Energy given out

My energy has finally given out, I can hardly move around today :(  I think everyone is worn out and run down.

I was hoping to get more wrapping done today, but the thought of it is tiring enough.

The furniture arrived, but one item is damaged so have to wait fir it to be sorted out.  We haven't got as much storage space as before so not sure where everything will go, we needed more storage not less.

One week to go until Christmas Day, will we be ready?  Not much we can do about it if we are not.

I don't think there will be much chance to post before Christmas now so wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy 2014.

Chaos

Aggghhh my furniture has arrived, it fills the room and is all in big boxes! no room for people and Emily has a friend coming for tea!

Whilst I was waiting for delivery saw this pattern for pocket hanger, its one of the things I want to make so I splashed out!!  Its American so worked out at £2.08 and its a download so have it already :)

Also like this 

but resisted temptation.

My laugh for the day!

When I was dropping Emily off at school she saw a plant in the caretakers garden that caught her eye.  I told her it was a bamboo plant to which she replied "perhaps they have Pandas then"

Went to the school carols concert yesterday at the church.  It was lovely and Emily took part in a little nativity scene, she is not sure what she was though, first she said she was a wiseman, but then said she was a page, whatever it was she got to dress up and sit at the front of the church.

Only a week until Christmas Eve, how will we be ready?  So much still to sort out, but can only do it when Emily at school so its hard work for me.

Enjoyed watching Great British Sewing Bee Christmas.  Its sad that is has been made a laughing stock in the press http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2013/dec/16/great-british-sewing-bee-tv-review and http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/tv-and-radio-reviews/10516767/The-Great-British-Sewing-Bee-Christmas-Special-BBC-Two-review.html.  I think its sad that people think home made things are a joke some one has put a lot of time, effort and thought into what they have made.  It is one of the reasons that I lack the motivation to make things for people as things are often viewed as inferior to a bought object or just a big joke, very sad.

10 days to go

Just 10 days to go to Christmas and then we will be able to get back to normal!

It seems an awful lot of work for one day, that to be honest is just another day.

I like the Christmas season, but it has been taken over by commercialisation and is no longer about the birth of Christ.  Where did all the present buying and fat men in red suits come from?

Most people seem to put more into Christmas than birthdays.  I think birthdays are more special because they are about that one person, unless you are me who got married on my birthday so have to share it with my husband.  Emily and Rob have birthdays 3 days apart and next year Emily's party is on Rob's birthday so he has to share his day with a girls pamper party!

Its nice to give and receive presents but its too much.  I remember a couple of years ago Emily getting up and looking at the pile of presents and saying there is too much.  I always say I am not going to buy as much, but we are bombarded with so many things and there is always just one more thing that you like the look of that would be nice for so and so and there you go more money spent and then we spend hours wrapping it all up in paper that gets thrown away and much of the time people are not interested in what you have bought anyway!  Perhaps we should go back to a present each and a satsuma!

When you have an illness like ME, Christmas and New Year are a sign that another year has passed and things are no better, another year has gone without achieving the things you want to achieve, another year without a job, another year older.  Emily is another year older and I feel that her childhood is passing me by and I can't be the Mum I want to be. Another year so dependent on other people and feeling so useless.

This week is another busy week for me with Emily's school carol service tomorrow, furniture delivery on Tuesday and theatre to see Jungle Book on Thursday, then there is all the wrapping and sorting to do.  I am looking forward to all these things its great to see and hear the kids singing and its the only really Christmas thing I get to do.  The West Yorkshire Playhouse is always good, but its hard having an evening out and I usually get very uncomfortable sitting and concentrating. We try to go to captioned performances as I can't hear well enough so miss so much of what is going on, but it is hard work following what is happening on the stage and reading the captions. My new hearing aids have a better loop so that should help me hear better at the theatre and hopefully at church too, but its all such a drain on my already low energy.

Todays Crafty likes

backing papers
Cute sheep

and simple card ideas

I still have cards to make for Emily and Rob, better get a move on if they want them this Christmas!

Will it ever go away?

I am sitting here feeling rubbish again, got sore throat and cough that I have had for months, it just won't go away, but I doubt it will, its a sure sign I am doing too much. I need to go and get ready as having my hair cut soon.  The hairdresser comes to the house but its still a big effort.

These clips made me smile, I love cats, my own cat is mooching about and is cross with me because I would not get up at 6am to feed him!

Cats Guide to Christmas

Cats in water!

How to wrap a cat

Christmas tree cats

Finally a lovely Christmas Craft idea

I really will have to start making things in January, I might be ready for next Christmas then.

Look what is outside my window

Today's likes

Found this in my draft box must be from before Christmas.

Not sleeping again, things are very stressful.

Anyway here is the missing post.

Just a quick mention for today's craft likes

from Happy Hooligans, simple but very effective.

snowmen mats 

and another

Everyone out having fun :(

I did not get to finish my ramblings yesterday or today either as I feel rubbish.

Emily has gone to school in her Christmas jumper for Christmas jumper day

Rob is going out on his work Christmas do.  Not working or being at school or part of any group I don't get to do Christmas things.  I like to go to the Leeds Christmas Market but we are not going this year as its difficult to get around in wheelchair and Emily does not like the crowds, even the fair rides and food are not tempting her.  Luckily I do get to go to the school events, but they are usually hard work.  Another event I usually enjoy and that gets us into the Christmas spirit is the Rothwell Baptist Church carol concert, but we have to miss that this year due to another commitment.  It is the school carols on Monday, so looking forward to that.  My Christmas jumper has not arrived I ordered this one but got an email yesterday to say it had gone out of stock :( so have now ordered this one.  All in all its a bit miserable for me today and I don't feel up to doing the things I had in mind to do.  I can't event lay on the bed and watch TV as my TV is not working as we had to take aerial for main TV as the aerial outside has become damaged, bah humbug or what?!

Christmas Ramblings

Well its the mad time of year again and ME and Christmas are not a good combination.  I like the Christmas time and its nice for the children, but I think even they feel the pressure these days as they have to do a school play and learn Christmas carols on top of normal school life.  Its always a busy term at school and the term when most children pick up bugs.  Emily has another cold and is far from happy.  There is a lot of pressure to be good so Santa will come (does not work in our house!) and trips to see said Santa, who they are actually afraid of!  As adults we would not sit and talk to a big fat stranger in strange clothes who by all accounts has some very strange behaviour (flying round the world and breaking into people's houses) , but we make our kids do it!  Emily is terrified of the thought of Santa in her room, so we have to make sure he leaves her things outside the room. Again who would want a strange man in their room?

The rest of us have the pressure of Christmas shopping, attending Christmas events, writing cards to people we never see, visiting people, decorating the house and so on.  If I was well enough I would love to be involved in doing something for people in need.  I have worked many Christmas days and most of them were good, the only thing I didn't like was working in a restaurant, people were horrid to the staff and didn't seem to recognise that we were missing our own Christmas for them.  The work in care homes, hospitals and home care was always a nice feeling.  We went on holiday one Christmas too before we had Emily at Schloss Hotel Rosenegg it was a much more traditional Christmas and was lovely.  Christmas day was a bit strange as there was nothing happening, we had no presents and we left on Boxing Day.  it was strange being away from family, but I would do it again.

Us on Christmas Day

View from room

Travelling has always been difficult though and with Emily too it is practically impossible, but would be great to show her this side of Christmas and the wonderful scenery.  She would just want to play in the snow all the time.

I do hate the commercial side of Christmas, it seems to have become about who can spend the most money and give the best gifts.  I do not miss being able to go around crowded shops, I do all my shopping online or send someone else!

I have to break off now to go and see Emily in her music club concert.  More ramblings later if I feel up to it.  I am in quite a bit of pain and feel very dizzy.

What a day!!

What a day we had yesterday and totally exhausting.  Began with Christmas shopping.  Did not go in that many shops and was using wheelchair, but still exhausting.  Thankfully it is now finished.

In the afternoon it was Emily's Christmas play.  She was one of many narrators, with just 3 lines, she was first on and was very clear. The children who's parents were watching were allowed home early!!! This meant I missed my much needed rest.

When we got home the carpet fitter arrived and was still here nearly 4 hours later, but we now have a new living room/ dining room carpet.  Furniture arriving next week and many things in boxes all over the house and Christmas 2 weeks away, mad or what?!

I feel awful today and due to overdoing it in a big way can't settle to rest either, its a stupid illness that's for sure.  Thankfully Emily's friend who was coming for tea cannot come, but just hoping Emily does not have a tantrum as I only found out after she went to school so was not able to tell her in advance.

I gave Emily her placemat as one of her advent gifts, she says she is not using it as a placemat as it will get messy (very true) so she is going to use it as a dolls duvet :).

This time of year is so tiring, so much to do and organise, why do we put ourselves through it?  I am glad that present shopping is finished and cards are written. Wrapping and posting still to do, hmmmm will carrier bags do?!

Never knew wrapping could be so exhausting!

In my effort to help I went into school today to help the PTA with the kids choosing and wrapping presents.  Even though I spent much of the time sitting and no real effort was required it has left me exhausted, I feel sick, dizzy and shaky and am in pain.  I hate this stupid illness.  I went to rest when I got back, but as I had over done it rest was not possible, my heart was pounding.

In the meantime my family have been keeping the NHS busy!  Yesterday as I was typing my rant about hospital food my 9 year old nephew was admitted to hospital after falling and breaking his leg in 2 places.  I am waiting to hear if he has gone home, I do hope so and also hope he was fed better than the last time he was in when he was given and dried up sandwich and rotten fruit!

On Wednesday my grandma fell and hurt her back, amazingly she did not break anything and after being checked over by the paramedics she refused to go to hospital, her last stay in hospital was also not a good experience.

I have seen some more lovely stuff online and have pinned it on my Pinterest anyone who likes quilting, card making or gluten free recipes should find them interesting. Todays best find

Well I think that's all for today.

Unsettled by Wind and Hospital Food Programme (no connection between the two!)

So much for wanting to rest, I am very unsettled and unable to rest. There are several reasons for this I am over tired and the weather which is very windy is very unsettling when things are blowing about all over the place and I am on my own in the house wondering if other people are ok.  We have lost the canopy outside the back door and our mini greenhouse tried to blow away even though it is screwed to the wall.  We usually lose roof tiles when its windy, not checked the roof yet.  Poor cat unsettled too he has just made a mad dash for outside whilst it is a bit calmer.  Got a text from school saying children had been kept in all day as debris blowing around playground, they will be more hyper than ever tonight! Emily has after school music so an extra hour confined to school.

Daft as it may seem I cannot stop thinking about James Martin's hospital food programme.  I know the food is bad, but it is such a battle to get things changed and get money spent on it.  Food is a basic human need, how can people be fed on such a small amount (less than £2 per meal).  I cannot believe that the stuff they pass off as food has been approved by dieticians and medical staff, I wouldn't feed it to a dog!  Having worked in hospitals before I became ill patient care is something close to my heart.  Also having had many relatives in hospital and seeing how they are fed or not fed as the case may be is heart breaking.  When you are ill, in hospital or anywhere else you need healthy and appetising food to want to eat it and to aid recovery.  I have many food intolerances and cannot imagine that I would find anything suitable on a hospital menu and I am sure that it would be practically impossible to get a special menu to order from even though they are supposed to exist.  Mass catering in any environment is difficult, but surely not impossible.  Other issues than the quality of the food is the transportation and long periods sitting around so food is cold and congealed so even less appetising and the fact that a huge number of patients are not able to feed themselves and the staff either have not got the time or the inclination to feed people so they go hungry and thirsty too.  It really, really upsets me.  It seems to me that health care is now all about amazing treatments and fancy equipment and basic care is ignored.  It makes being ill so frustrating too as I want to be out there helping people, I know I couldn't make a huge impact, but I feel so useless.

I have just found the soup recipes that have been used in the series they sound lovely and easy to make

Parsnip and Rosemary, Roast veg, Cauliflower and Apple, Butternut Squash and Lime.

It is great that James Martin is trying to tackle the issue, but not surprisingly many hospitals told him to go away, how mad is that. Apparently there is a new series starting in January, its good to know that he is still plugging away despite the lack of interest. good on you James.

Well on a slightly different tack now how cute are these

Pattern link

Just perfect for all those Chef's!

Wiped Out

Really wiped out today, so tired, sore throat and mouth, general pain a bit better.  Just want to sleep.  Battled out in the wind to get Emily to school glad of a big heavy car for once.  Just been outside to secure some stuff!!  Its scary and now I am definitely ready to rest, its only 10.30, a day in front of the box today i think.

Jazzy

Wow seen another jacket pattern

and some trainers to match!!  The patterns are not a bad price, but shipping would be expensive, will have to wait until they have them as downloads. And this is gorgeous, also at Annie's (love that name too, could have called my little girls Annie if hubby agreed!)

Emily is excitedly using her advent calender 

The house is still upside down, this is the view from my bed 

 

Its actually quite relaxing having fish tank in bedroom and being deaf the noise of tank does not bother me.  We are waiting for a carpet fitting date, hoping it will be asap but probably about 2 weeks so no end in sight yet.  We are eating dinner off my craft table as new furniture not coming until after carpet fitted, Christmas decorating will be rather late around here if at all!! Watch this space.

Found another interesting site last night when aimlessly sitting at computer as too tired to do anything else or to move away!!  String Art I love the pictures, but not sure I would be able to knock in nails, but thought might be able to adapt some of them into stitched cards instead, but not sure if my brain could work it out properly! Love this circle which is a free pattern so might give that a go after the madness that we call Christmas is over or maybe in about June when I have recovered from said madness and Emily's birthday which is 6 weeks after Christmas so the Christmas madness just seems to go on until mid February when I collapse in a heap.

Feeling pretty rubbish today, sore throat, very tired and in pain :(  Got 2 days without my PA this week too, not good timing.

Love this

This looks just great and there is a pattern for it, I love things like that, wonder if it is really as easy as it makes out?  Pattern works out at £4.89 so its tempting and would use many of my scraps up oooooooooo.......

Can't make anything at moment as my house is upside down and I can't get to anything :(

Part 2

Adding the list to my previous post messed up the formatting so I could not continue on that post as I could not work out what was going on!! So this is the second part.

At the moment I am suffering noticeably less pain which is amazing.  The only thing I am doing different is not walking all the way around the school to drop Emily off and pick her up, it was along walk for me.  After quite a bit of negotiation I am now allowed to park in the car park and take Emily into the reception area and watch her go through to her classroom when the bell rings.  Doing this also means that I don't get cold which makes my pain bad and I can sit whilst we are waiting for the bell.  I am therefore very grateful that I am allowed to do this and did not expect it to have such an impact, long may it last!

I am still suffering with a sore throat and cough that I have had for weeks and does not seem to want to go, but its bearable.  My stomach is also not happy, its very uncomfortable after eating think I need to be a bit more careful what I eat for a while and to eat a bit less in one go, I tend to force food down and try not to leave any to set an example to Emily as we tell her she has to eat her dinner before getting a pudding.  My husband usually dishes up and does tend to put too much on the plate will have to keep an eye on him ;-)  I know its difficult as I am thin and everyone thinks they need to fill me up, but I can't eat huge meals.

I saw this fabric on ebay, it would be great for my quilt, but can't find it in this country £6.48 to get it shipped from US would make it rather an expensive piece of fabric.

We ordered a new carpet yesterday from Birstall Mill Caprpets, they were very helpful and friendly would definitely shop there again, but don't buy carpets that often!  The shop is close to Bedazzle Beads who are sadly closing their shop on December 8th.  They were selling off stock and shop fittings etc.  There were not many beads left, but go a nice selection and a pink chair for Emily!

Poetry

Last night I read My A to Z of M.E.  Well done to Ros Lemarchand for highlighting this dreaded disease. I just hope that Non ME people will read it and get some insight into this illness.  The book is a selection of poems written by Ros who is herself and ME sufferer.  I could relate to all the things she said.

Reading the book reminded me of a piece I wrote several years ago before Emily was born, it still holds true, but of course I now have the addition of not being able to do the things I would like to do with Emily.

I’m NOT Lazy

Why does everyone assume that I am lazy or can’t be bothered to do things?

If only they knew what I would like to do, but don’t do because I am not able, not just because I don’t want to.

I’d love to be able to walk for miles, go swimming, have a night out, do my own shopping, go to work, drive my car or clean my house.  None of theses things are special they are every day things to most people, but for me they take a lot of effort and cannot be managed every day.  People do not seem to be able to accept that I am ill and not able to do the every day things they can do.

If I try to lead a ‘normal’ life, eg. walking, shopping, cleaning, I suffer with fatigue, pain, dizziness, headaches, sore throat and many other symptoms too numerous to list.  I need regular rest and to go to bed early, this is not being lazy it is how I survive.

I am not a lazy person, before I was ill, I never sat still!!  I would like nothing more than to be able to keep busy all day long, it is so boring not being able to do things and is very frustrating.  I watch the dust piling up and the ironing that needs doing.  I hope for a good day to get things done, but know if I do them I will feel really ill again afterwards.  People do not realise when they see my un-cleaned house or pots waiting to be washed, that I do not leave them because I’d rather be doing something else; I have to leave it because I do not have the energy tackle it.

When I tell people I do not work, they assume it is my choice, and that I want to sit about at home all and they envy me.  If only they knew how desperate I am to work, to earn some money, make some friends and feel I can do something.

I am not lazy, I just have ME.

And another I wrote using the word Myalgic Encephalomyelitis to describe some of the symptoms and feelings related to the illness.

Muddled

Yawning

Anxiety

Lethargy

Giddiness

Irritable bladder

Confusion

Energy loss

Nausea

Crying

Edgy

Palpitations

Headache

Anger

Lifeless

Obstacle course

Misunderstood

Yo-yoing

Enlarged lymph nodes

Languor

Intolerances

Tinnitus

Isolated

Sore throat Misery Yogurt intolerance Aggitation Loneliness Gastric upset Irritable bowel Clumsiness Earache Neck stiffness Concentration difficulties Effort Pain Hypotension Appetite changes Long term sick Oppressed Mood changes Yearning for recovery Erratic Leg stiffness Itching Tiredness Impaired Sleep disturbances

More Chaos!

This week we have the decorator in doing the living room and dining room, so whole house is in chaos 8-|

Here is a picture of the 90 birthday card I made a few weeks ago.

I have been doing bits on my waistcoat, but I am going to run out of blue yarn so need to try and get more.

Last week I made a few Christmas cards, just need to finish them off, but can't get to things I need at the moment.

Our hamster is currently in Emily's bedroom and we had him playing in her dolls house earlier, she thought it was hilarious =))

We took a little video too Hamster escape

What a week!

As ever there is not a dull moment at Chez Shaw.  Emily got up on Tuesday saying she had tummy ache, as she has been saying every five minutes that something hurts or that she feels poorly and then is actually ok I dosed her up with medicine and got her ready for school.  Just as we were putting on her shoes and coat she was sick :-& so left with an unhappy little girl, a mess to clean up and a very guilty conscience

  

Rob had left for work taking car for repair on the way.

Emily then seemed much brighter and we were doing some Christmas cards when she was sick again into the computer keyboard, YUCK.  Computer keyboard went in the bin and we managed without until Thursday evening when Rob managed to borrow one from work.  A friend lent us one but it was not compatible.  I quite enjoyed having no computer got more things done.

My PA was due back at work on Wednesday, but did not turn up, I was past caring by then, she has not been at work for 3 1/2 weeks.  There has been a lot of lying going on, but she did turn up for work yesterday, but now I don't know what to believe and what not, it makes for a very difficult situation.

Emily went back to school on Thursday and I managed to get her placemat finished and a bit of my knitting done, its amazing how much more time there is without a computer to distract me.  Emily was at school an hour longer for after school music, so actually there was more time too.

Progress, chaos and ducks!

Well I have made a bit of progress.  I managed to make most of the placemat at the class on Friday I just have the edge to fold over and hand stitch

I can't believe I got this far.

Here is Emily (and her blush ears) and her advent hanging panel

And Emily with her shoe box for Operation Christmas Child

In order to get things done I have got things out all over the place, the mess drives me mad, but I am not able to get things done if I have to spend time finding things and putting away all the time 8-|  But I do need to tidy some stuff away.  

We had some family photos taken last Sunday, its great fun, but I got mega stressed trying to work out what to wear!!

Emily always has great fun and is spoiled by AJ from Whitebox.  We even got a picture with AJ this time!

We have had many of these sessions and Emily always has to have the duck!

So its goodbye from me and the duck.