Well it’s that time of year again where we all think this will be the year we make changes and get more out off life and become happy. In reality, not much changes and by the end of the year we feel bad for not having achieved anything that feels worthwhile.
Apparently the top 10 New Year resolutions are ;
- Exercise more
- Lose weight
- Get organized
- Learn a new skill or hobby
- Live life to the fullest
- Save more money / spend less money
- Quit smoking
- Spend more time with family and friends
- Travel more
- Read more
I would like to do most these too, except for losing weight and quitting smoking, they are all big things, but we believe that they will make us more happy. Many people will have already given up, or like me won’t even have started yet as life gets in the way and most of the things we want are too vague and we feel overwhelmed by it or just realise it is not realistic. Then of course we get annoyed and feel like we have failed.
I have decided to write a post about each resolution, I would love to say I will do one a day, but know that is far beyond me, one a week would take us to the end of March!! So will just have to see how it goes and how much I ramble on or get distracted by other things.
I always find this time of year hard and would love to be able to do so much. I always feel that I haven’t achieved anything and am in the same place I was a year ago, only change is I am a year older!!
No.1 Exercise more
I would love to, but I have a condition that limits my ability to exercise and pushing myself makes it worse. I use a wheelchair out of the house and have a blue badge. So why do I think I need to do more exercise? I feel guilty that I can’t walk and join in things and that someone has to push me in my wheelchair. I feel bad that I can’t do things like taking my daughter swimming or to other sport and leisure activates. I feel that because I can’t do much it means that the rest of the family don’t get enough exercise and when we do go out it has to be wheelchair friendly so not much fun really. I always feel that I am holding everyone else back. Most Drs I see tell me I should do more exercise, but they don’t see the consequences or have to live with them. Whilst I have got used to being in a wheelchair it doesn’t mean I like it or enjoy it. Comments like you are lucky you can sit down etc make me mad, but of course you have to agree and laugh! Being in a wheelchair is isolating, the person you are with is behind you all the time, you only get a view of people’s bums and elbows. You get to go at the pace of the person pushing you and only get to see what they want to see or miss things altogether as you get left to wait or get pushed past whatever it is so the person pushing you can see it. You get plenty of dirty looks for parking in disabled spaces, even when you get the wheelchair out and if you dare to walk you are the devil himself. Getting out in the fresh air isn’t easy as the ground needs to be relatively smooth and flat. Living at the top of a hill means we don’t get far before it gets too difficult for the person pushing. We tried doing hills when on Holiday in Austria, but it nearly killed my husband and damaged my wheelchair and it’s very uncomfortable for me. I do have a mobility scooter, but don’t use it a lot as I forget to charge it, can’t use it in the rain or cold weather and again the ground need to be quite even and you have to know where all the drop kerbs are. I do want to use it more and get out for some fresh air on my own, but limited to where I can use it locally.
To get a blue badge you have to receive certain benefits and then have to apply to the council. My Blue badge expires in March and you have to renew 3 months in advance. I am unable to renew mine as I have an expired PIP award. I am still being paid PIP as my award in under review, but reviews have been delayed. I submitted my paperwork in April, when then told me I had just 3 weeks to send in everything they wanted. I got a text before Christmas to say they haven’t looked at my claim yet. Whilst it is under review I get paid but have no award end date which I need for Blue Badge. Blue badge say I need an extension letter from PIP. PIP say I have an extension to February, but of course that is no good for Blue Badge as my current badge is valid until March. Standard Blue Badges are awarded for 3 years at a time, but they will only award temporary ones for the extension period. PIP say I will get a year extension in February, but I need evidence for Blue Badge which I don’t have so have to wait and see if it get sent. If I lose my Blue Badge it means I will no longer be able to go out on my own, not that I do much, but will mean I can’t even collect my own prescription or attend a Drs appt. Even though I don’t need to be able to park close when someone is with me, we do need level access and room to get wheelchair out of car, which is not always possible in standard spaces. The disapproving glares would stop though!
I talk to several other people with illnesses worse than I have and they are able to do much more than me, so I feel lazy and pathetic and that I should be able to do much more. I shouldn’t compare to others but I do.
Before I was ill I walked everywhere, only used car occasionally, now I can’t get to the end of the street without it! I have always had jobs that meant a lot of moving about, nursing, working with children etc, I’ve never had a sedentary job. I have never been a sporty person, but did enjoy swimming. As my daughter was growing up I was so sad that I could take her for a walk or swimming and stuff or even walk her to school except on my scooter.
I feel very isolated and hate being dependant on others to leave the house. I can’t even drive that far so again that limits what I can do.
So having said all this what can I do? Obviously walking is not an option, nor is asking people to take me to places so I need to be more independent within what I can do. I need to use my scooter more and just get out in the fresh air and do a ew of the errands myself so I am not always asking someone else. It is a bit of a hassle getting scooter out as it is kept in the garage and I have to move the car to get it out of the drive, but it should not be an excuse. I need to make sure scooter is charged up all the time too, so I can use it when I fancy and not have to plan ahead to make sure I plug it in. I can’t use the scooter in the rain so that is a limit as is the cold weather as I get so cold it becomes painful.
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