Love this

This looks just great and there is a pattern for it, I love things like that, wonder if it is really as easy as it makes out?  Pattern works out at £4.89 so its tempting and would use many of my scraps up oooooooooo.......

Can't make anything at moment as my house is upside down and I can't get to anything :(

Part 2

Adding the list to my previous post messed up the formatting so I could not continue on that post as I could not work out what was going on!! So this is the second part.

At the moment I am suffering noticeably less pain which is amazing.  The only thing I am doing different is not walking all the way around the school to drop Emily off and pick her up, it was along walk for me.  After quite a bit of negotiation I am now allowed to park in the car park and take Emily into the reception area and watch her go through to her classroom when the bell rings.  Doing this also means that I don't get cold which makes my pain bad and I can sit whilst we are waiting for the bell.  I am therefore very grateful that I am allowed to do this and did not expect it to have such an impact, long may it last!

I am still suffering with a sore throat and cough that I have had for weeks and does not seem to want to go, but its bearable.  My stomach is also not happy, its very uncomfortable after eating think I need to be a bit more careful what I eat for a while and to eat a bit less in one go, I tend to force food down and try not to leave any to set an example to Emily as we tell her she has to eat her dinner before getting a pudding.  My husband usually dishes up and does tend to put too much on the plate will have to keep an eye on him ;-)  I know its difficult as I am thin and everyone thinks they need to fill me up, but I can't eat huge meals.

I saw this fabric on ebay, it would be great for my quilt, but can't find it in this country £6.48 to get it shipped from US would make it rather an expensive piece of fabric.

We ordered a new carpet yesterday from Birstall Mill Caprpets, they were very helpful and friendly would definitely shop there again, but don't buy carpets that often!  The shop is close to Bedazzle Beads who are sadly closing their shop on December 8th.  They were selling off stock and shop fittings etc.  There were not many beads left, but go a nice selection and a pink chair for Emily!

Poetry

Last night I read My A to Z of M.E.  Well done to Ros Lemarchand for highlighting this dreaded disease. I just hope that Non ME people will read it and get some insight into this illness.  The book is a selection of poems written by Ros who is herself and ME sufferer.  I could relate to all the things she said.

Reading the book reminded me of a piece I wrote several years ago before Emily was born, it still holds true, but of course I now have the addition of not being able to do the things I would like to do with Emily.

I’m NOT Lazy

Why does everyone assume that I am lazy or can’t be bothered to do things?

If only they knew what I would like to do, but don’t do because I am not able, not just because I don’t want to.

I’d love to be able to walk for miles, go swimming, have a night out, do my own shopping, go to work, drive my car or clean my house.  None of theses things are special they are every day things to most people, but for me they take a lot of effort and cannot be managed every day.  People do not seem to be able to accept that I am ill and not able to do the every day things they can do.

If I try to lead a ‘normal’ life, eg. walking, shopping, cleaning, I suffer with fatigue, pain, dizziness, headaches, sore throat and many other symptoms too numerous to list.  I need regular rest and to go to bed early, this is not being lazy it is how I survive.

I am not a lazy person, before I was ill, I never sat still!!  I would like nothing more than to be able to keep busy all day long, it is so boring not being able to do things and is very frustrating.  I watch the dust piling up and the ironing that needs doing.  I hope for a good day to get things done, but know if I do them I will feel really ill again afterwards.  People do not realise when they see my un-cleaned house or pots waiting to be washed, that I do not leave them because I’d rather be doing something else; I have to leave it because I do not have the energy tackle it.

When I tell people I do not work, they assume it is my choice, and that I want to sit about at home all and they envy me.  If only they knew how desperate I am to work, to earn some money, make some friends and feel I can do something.

I am not lazy, I just have ME.

And another I wrote using the word Myalgic Encephalomyelitis to describe some of the symptoms and feelings related to the illness.

Muddled

Yawning

Anxiety

Lethargy

Giddiness

Irritable bladder

Confusion

Energy loss

Nausea

Crying

Edgy

Palpitations

Headache

Anger

Lifeless

Obstacle course

Misunderstood

Yo-yoing

Enlarged lymph nodes

Languor

Intolerances

Tinnitus

Isolated

Sore throat Misery Yogurt intolerance Aggitation Loneliness Gastric upset Irritable bowel Clumsiness Earache Neck stiffness Concentration difficulties Effort Pain Hypotension Appetite changes Long term sick Oppressed Mood changes Yearning for recovery Erratic Leg stiffness Itching Tiredness Impaired Sleep disturbances

More Chaos!

This week we have the decorator in doing the living room and dining room, so whole house is in chaos 8-|

Here is a picture of the 90 birthday card I made a few weeks ago.

I have been doing bits on my waistcoat, but I am going to run out of blue yarn so need to try and get more.

Last week I made a few Christmas cards, just need to finish them off, but can't get to things I need at the moment.

Our hamster is currently in Emily's bedroom and we had him playing in her dolls house earlier, she thought it was hilarious =))

We took a little video too Hamster escape

What a week!

As ever there is not a dull moment at Chez Shaw.  Emily got up on Tuesday saying she had tummy ache, as she has been saying every five minutes that something hurts or that she feels poorly and then is actually ok I dosed her up with medicine and got her ready for school.  Just as we were putting on her shoes and coat she was sick :-& so left with an unhappy little girl, a mess to clean up and a very guilty conscience

  

Rob had left for work taking car for repair on the way.

Emily then seemed much brighter and we were doing some Christmas cards when she was sick again into the computer keyboard, YUCK.  Computer keyboard went in the bin and we managed without until Thursday evening when Rob managed to borrow one from work.  A friend lent us one but it was not compatible.  I quite enjoyed having no computer got more things done.

My PA was due back at work on Wednesday, but did not turn up, I was past caring by then, she has not been at work for 3 1/2 weeks.  There has been a lot of lying going on, but she did turn up for work yesterday, but now I don't know what to believe and what not, it makes for a very difficult situation.

Emily went back to school on Thursday and I managed to get her placemat finished and a bit of my knitting done, its amazing how much more time there is without a computer to distract me.  Emily was at school an hour longer for after school music, so actually there was more time too.

Progress, chaos and ducks!

Well I have made a bit of progress.  I managed to make most of the placemat at the class on Friday I just have the edge to fold over and hand stitch

I can't believe I got this far.

Here is Emily (and her blush ears) and her advent hanging panel

And Emily with her shoe box for Operation Christmas Child

In order to get things done I have got things out all over the place, the mess drives me mad, but I am not able to get things done if I have to spend time finding things and putting away all the time 8-|  But I do need to tidy some stuff away.  

We had some family photos taken last Sunday, its great fun, but I got mega stressed trying to work out what to wear!!

Emily always has great fun and is spoiled by AJ from Whitebox.  We even got a picture with AJ this time!

We have had many of these sessions and Emily always has to have the duck!

So its goodbye from me and the duck.

Kindness

It is nice to know that there are some kind people about and many have come to my aid this week to help out whilst my PA is off.  My carer offered extra hours, a friend has taken some of my ironing and another friend has done some cleaning, I am so grateful to them.

I am also very sad today to hear of the death of a teacher who showed me great kindness during my school years, a very difficult time for me, and who remained a friend after.  Since I moved to Leeds from my home town of Sheffield we have not seen each other, but have kept in touch.  In recent years due to us both having health problems and other demands our contact was limited to Christmas cards and a letter, but I still think of her often.  She was a great inspiration to me and very kind I am sure she will be greatly missed.

Rob and I managed to cut the pieces needed for my quilting class tomorrow, it requires a great deal of concentration and it took us both a while to figure things out.  I have also sewed a bit of my crazy pattern for the next stage of my cat quilt, but not sure if I am doing it quite right so will have to ask Sarah's advice tomorrow.

Emily has had a cold all week and has been very up and down.  I am coughing a lot and have had a seriously sore throat, it is a little better now.  One very strange thing is that when I am fighting something else my pain is less?! Perhaps my body realises there is only so much I can cope with!!

Rob got a quote for the poor car, its not too bad, but as these things are it is not cheap and we have to get it done.  This poor car seems to have been so unlucky we have had several repairs on it and its only 2 years old.  We are not usually ones for having bumps and scrapes, but this car seems to attract them.  Thankfully they have all been our fault so there are no other people involved.  It means we cannot make another insurance claim and will have to cover the expense ourselves so I am very cross with myself as it was caused by a momentary lapse in concentration.  I don't think Santa covers car repairs!!

I finished Emily's advent hanger yesterday will take a photo later and post up when I have some time.  The kit was reviewed by bugs and fishes yesterday.  The kit reviewed is slightly different to the one that I had as mine did not have sticky backed felt and I did have to sew it all.  I hand stitched the numbers, but machine stitched all the pockets on as it was taking too long by hand ( I unpicked the hand stitched ones).  Emily helped with cutting the pockets, shapes and numbers and decided the layout so it was a nice joint effort.

I am in great need of a rest now so its bye for now.

Can't think straight!

I literally can't think straight this morning. After school drop off and squeezing through tight gaps and avoiding people walking out in front of me I then hit the car on my own gate post!!!

I now have a big scrape and dent on bumper and wheel arch!! I am not happy. Will now have to get it sorted more hassle and expense just what I need!

I am still trying to manage without my PA.  I have some people who have being helping this week and its very kind of them, but its very difficult to manage and keep track of who is doing what and when.

I have sat down try and cut the pieces to make the quilted placemat and I literally cannot think how to do the cutting so have had to leave it.  Feel like one of those days where nothing will go right.

Finished

Managed to finish 90th birthday card in time, but forgot to photograph it before it was sealed up!!

Emily off school yesterday and I am not well, at all so amazed I got it finished. Now got to be well enough to deliver it!!

Time and use of.....

I am feeling very down today.  I feel like I never have the time and energy to do what I want or need to do.  It makes me feel like I must be very lazy as I have more time than many, but I still don't get things done.

The ME makes my time limited and what time I do have seems in great demand.  I get up at 7 am to get myself fed and ready, before getting Emily fed and ready and off to school, usually tidying up and putting washing in etc along the way. Three morning a week I have someone in to wash and dry my hair which although I need it breaks into the time and limits what I can get on with.  On Wednesday morning I have the person to do hair and the cleaner so that is manic.  The morning soon passes with getting odd jobs done and then its time to eat and rest before collecting Emily from school.  I need to rest for at least 2 hours, at this time my PA usually comes in and gets some of the chores done.  Once Emily is home there is getting her sorted and making sure she does daily reading and homework and anything else she want to do.  Often she sits and watches TV and I can get a bit of something done, but if I start anything she demands my attention.  Then its tea time and although I don't usually cook the meal I do help with bits and usually decide what we are having whilst trying to keep up with Emily demands and speak to Rob when he gets home.  After tea we try to do things with Emily which may still be homework!!  Then there is bath time and bedtime.  By the time Emily is settled and story read its nearly 8.30 and time to catch up with Rob and make any plans we need to make for next day or so.  By 9.30 its time for me to go to bed as I am exhausted by then, but also frustrated at getting so little done.

I know I spend quite a bit of time at the computer, but its bits of time and just fills gaps.  But is it really a waste of time.  I get lots of ideas, but then get frustrated with lack of time.  Recently I have been doing Christmas shopping online, I have got lots of things, probably too many, its a bit too easy to press a button and buy.  I have no idea what exactly I have got and need to sort things out and find out who and what I still need to buy for.

Getting done the things I want to do just becomes hard work, as there is little time to fit them in, if I do something I want to do I have to sacrifice something else be that a job that needs doing or time with Emily and or Rob.  I have no space for doing things so anything I do get out then needs to be put away again so its not possible to have something out and just keep doing a little as I get chance so it becomes a bigger thing with having to get out and tidy away and therefore is more time consuming.  We did think about a loft conversion to have a dedicated craft/hobby etc space, but in reality it would probably just become another cluttered space and its just too expensive and demanding to justify, not to mention more stairs and space to keep sorted.  Using the loft would also be rather anti social.  Its very frustrating though when every space we have is just a multi purpose area.  We tried to create a space in the spare bedroom, but in reality there is little room and it is never organised enough and again I can't leave out things on the go they need to be tidied away after each session.

I often also have appointments to fit in or place I need to go which for me takes a lot of time and energy. This week  have been to the Physio, been to the library and had my hair cut, it all mounts up.  I always feel like I am really busy and aware that I need to fit in rest time and have to be ok to collect Emily from school and meet her needs too.

I desperately need to finish off the 90th birthday card which is currently sitting on the dining table, whilst also finding and wrapping the present to go with it, at the same time trying to conserve energy for the party and family photos at the weekend.  Weekends are spent catching up on chores and or visiting family, there never seems to be much relaxing time even though I don't do a lot of the chores, time is spent working out when they can be done and who can do them.  Visiting family is an 80 mile round trip and that doesn't take into account anything we do whilst we are there.  I don't do the driving, but still find it exhausting.

Having help in the house means many of the physical tasks are taken off me, but I still have the organisation to do and paperwork to pay people and the disruption of people in and out of the house and sometimes wonder what is actually helpful as I still don't have time for what I want, which is mainly to spend time on crafty things or doing nice things with Emily rather than just chasing her round to get ready for school or to do her homework or go in the bath! Not to mention finding the time to bath myself! I know I am not alone in these dilemmas and don't know how people cope with full times jobs and housework and children they seem to have more hours in the day than me, which to some degree they do as they don't need to rest which I feel is dead time and go to bed early in order to function, although I am sure many people would like to.

So is writing a blog a good use of my time or is it just a moan?  When I decided to write the blog I wanted it to be a record of things I have made and somewhere to display things and see progress, but it seems to be more a list of things I have not done and that need or want doing.  Its a good place to note ideas, but again is that a good use of time and space?  I end up with an endless list of things I like and want to do, but that in reality will never be done.  Am I better using the time actually doing something?  Again it is unlikely that I would use the time that way as the time I spend browsing is usually just odd bits of time or time when I am too tired to do other things.

I had better finish here or this rant could go on forever and I am already very tired, its only 10am, so shall I get some more of the card done?  Or am I already too tired, then there is the washing to put away and paperwork to do.  My PA is away this week so there are more chores to be done or ignored!!  Life feels so exhausting even when sat down!!

Foiled again

Apparently the fabric for the window quilt is very rare and is american and no one seems to ship it UK :(

I have seen some others that may work well

I have now discovered they are called attic windows quilts and guess what there are more gorgeous ideas cats, view, seasons, stunning eagles and a garden.  Snowman is still my favourite though.

Meanwhile I have seen some stitching stencils and  more and some great cutting dies and more and more. Oh boy so many ideas and again getting nothing done 

Beautiful

Just seen this quilt its gorgeous, would love to be able to make something like that.

Where does the time go?

Well half term went in a flash, its now full steam ahead to Christmas!!!

Spent a few days in Sheffield which made a nice change and saw most of the family.

Here at last is the picture of the 1st birthday card.  Happy Birthday for yesterday Isla

I am still working on the 90th birthday one which I need to finish this week.

Went to a craft fair on Saturday and bought one of my Sister in Laws pictures featuring good old Pooh, a very bright scarf and some earrings.

The highlight of the week has to be seeing my Dad and Emily playing tiddlywinks! Not sure who was the biggest kid!

The weather was varied to say the least, but got some pictures

Its back to normal now.  Emily has gone back to school full of cold :( She is looking forward to fireworks tomorrow night.