Another year older

Thank you to everyone for my birthday and anniversary messages. We went out for lunch at http://2oxfordplace.com/ and went to see a small exhibition at Thackray Medical Museum http://wellcomecollection.org/…/georgie-meadows-stitched-dr…. I had a party tea with Emily. I felt pretty rubbish by the end of the day, it's a shame ME doesn't give us one day off!

Rob got me a laptop, so I can now type in more comfort, hope that doesn't mean I will spend more time on computer though it's not good for me.

I found out yesterday that the nurses home at Derby Royal Infirmary as was is now being knocked down

My room is just hanging in there 2nd window up on the left!  It did not upset me as much as it did when I found out about it, but I have been on you tube watching people filming inside the derelict buildings and find it sad that part of my past is no longer there, but maybe this will finally allow me to move on instead of being stuck in the past and dwelling on regrets.

It's a busy week as building has finally started in the house.  The builders are being very good and keeping disruption to a minimum and I am trying to keep calm about it.  I even fell asleep yesterday afternoon, which is practically unheard of for me, but then I felt guilty and over did it later on and had a bad night, either dreaming or awake.

I am still trying to get settled on a new dose of Amitriptyline, which makes me drowsy during the day and dizzy, but its helping with pain control and I am calmer.  Hoping the drowsiness and dizzy will settle soon.  I have blood tests this morning too.

I have started a mindfulness course in an effort to be calmer and appreciate what I can do rather than being negative and full of regret all the time.  It was on a wowcher deal, so didn't cost too much. There is a relaxation talk to listen to, to start, but I haven't had chance yet its never quiet enough for me to hear it.  I have made a start on the reading parts and note making.  For the first week I have to keep a bit of a diary of thoughts and behaviour and note any patterns, for yesterday I have

Trying to be positive today, even though normal life is being disrupted by builders. Normally I would be very stressed by it and annoyed with the intrusion, but it is work we want doing and have been waiting for so thinking more positively. the builders are very friendly and as unintrusive as possible. I even fell asleep on the sofa at my rest time, that never happens!! Upset by B complaining about the building. Worried that I haven't got done what I wanted to do, but i did have a busy day yesterday.

Weds 17th

Fell asleep in afternoon, felt guilty afterwards and then overdid it and didn't sleep at night. tried not to get wound up with builders in, yes it is a bit of a hassle, but its work we want doing. Got wound up with B complaining about builders and they weren't causing any problems and not in her way, she has to complain and make me feel guilty.

I do hope that I can keep up with it and get some benefit, or will it be another thing that sits waiting.

I hope I am doing it right, think I need to ask Rob to look at it with me to be sure I am hopeless at following written instructions.

I read this article blog it,s very good and I agree with what she says.  I want to print it out and comment on it, but my printer has run out of ink!

It's a busy start to my 45th year, but hoping that I will keep calm and listen to my body's needs a bit more, it's difficult when things are happening in the house and each day is unpredictable.  They say as you get older you get wiser too, I am not so sure about that, more stubborn more like.

In the last few weeks I have written a couple of Mr Men style books called Little Miss Brainfog and Little Miss Pardon.  Not sure what to do with them.  Rob is trying to create pictures to go with the text and they are not typed up only in my scrawly handwriting at present.  I would like to share them on my blog, but don't want someone else to steal them, its a dilemma.  I know I looked into self publishing when i wrote my little ME book, there are places where you can do it, but they have to be more than a set number of words and mine wasn't, something else that will get put on a back burner and forgotten about, I am hopeless at finishing things off, or get to stage where I need help and then nothing happens.  I also have too many ongoing things and never finish one thing before starting another and I have little time and energy available to me and time just seems to run away.