Another early night?

Cold, tired and ready for bed!  Hoping for better day tomorrow.

When rest is not restful!

Well was supposed to be a day of rest today, but more like a day of physical rest but over active mind.

I realised yesterday when talking to someone about work, that I have not worked for 13 years, and also realised the last time I worked I was 29, I began work when I was 16 so I have now not worked as many years as I did work, how depressing.  Many people say oh lucky you not working, but its not through choice and it means that we don't have as much money as our contemporaries, plus being ill and needing help etc is costly.  The worst thing though is not the lack of money, but the lack of identity, the lack of self esteem.  I feel that at 42 I will never have a job as all my qualifications and experience are out of date and there would not be much I could do.  I could work if there was something I could do for an hour a day at home, never seen one like that 8-|

Its time to go and fetch Emily now, wonder what sort of a day she will have had and will she be hyper or worn out.

Sad

Had to make decision not to go to quilting today.  it would have been hard for me to go and means that I would have been wiped out for the weekend which is not fair on Rob and Emily, but its a case of putting others first and doing my own stuff when I have energy to spare (not sure that ever happens!)

Emily is excited about school trip, its a shame it so wet and miserable, but they won't notice.  We were looking at the website before school, looks a great place butterfly house

Think its a day of resting for me :-<

Sleepyhead

 Been so sleepy this week, even went to bed at 8pm last night, same as Emily.  Amazingly I am actually sleeping, but don't feel any less tired for it and 2 hours rest during the day as well!

Yesterday was busy with an hour long appointment in the morning and then going to Sheffield to see my Dad's Dr for another hour long appointment in the afternoon and just getting back in time to collect Emily from school.  So no rest yesterday.  Emily was in a terrible mood last night which was even more exhausting.

My Dad has been diagnosed with Parkinson's with Dementia.  It is not unexpected, but we now have to do decide where we go from here and consider living arrangements for him and my mum.  At the moment he is confused so can't really take part in any discussions so its very difficult to know what is best for them.  The Dr says as he is he will need 24 hour care which is only available in a nursing home, but he may improve, but they still need to think about more suitable living arrangements.

Tried not to do too much today as I want to get to the quilting class tomorrow with Sarah, at Rivers Meet but only time will tell.  Done a few rows of the waistcoat, its growing quite fast and has 5 sets of stripes.  Got some new card patterns last week, would like to get some done and some bracelets I have in mind, but I never seem to have the time and energy.  I made bracelets for Emily's teachers last year, would like to get chance to do them again this year, as I already have the beads its a cheaper easier option for me.  I made cards as well with a little girl on the front made to look like Emily and in school colours.

I can't find a picture of the cards.  term will be over if I don't get a move on, will have to speak to Emily and see how many people are involved with her class, it was 3 last year as the two teachers job share.

Off to do school pick up in the rain :( I don't have an umbrella smiley!

Cuteness Alert!

Here is the picture of Emily and Isla

How cute is that baby?!

Not feeling great today, very tired and in pain. Rested as much as I could. Emily had friend round for tea, they entertained themselves, but I still had to feed them. Made a very simple fish pie for them. Barbara peeled potatoes so I just needed to cook and mash them (new masher is good does not need too much effort) then cooked fish in microwave. Difficult to tell if fish is cooked and I can't taste it because fish makes me really ill 8-| :-&

Waiting to hear today's instalment from hospital. We were told yesterday that Dad has Parkinson's. It is not a great shock, but something we have to come to terms with and work out how to manage it. Hospital staff are useless. I am as usual feeling useless at being 40 miles away and not able to get there as much as I would like.

Emily and Rob have gone to the park. Emily wanted me to go, but its getting too cold. Wish I could do these things its very disheartening and I will get the ratty Emily for bed and bath.

Managed a few rows of the waistcoat, its grows quite fast and is looking ok so far.

Its quilting class on Friday, I have not finished or even looked at last months homework. Worried I won't be able to get to the class, but will just have to see what I can do on Friday. I wanted to use my new sewing machine bag should make carrying machine about a bit easier. What an exciting life I lead 8-|

Made me laugh

This made me laugh today

Facebook

I am using facebook, but only for interests and to keep in touch with school PTA, it gets too much with constant updates from people and some people who are very in your face with stuff and or who criticise anything you write, I was getting so upset with it.  I know some people have noticed that I have an acct and are offended that I have not added them as a friend, but if people really want to keep in touch there are nicer ways to do it.  This does feel a bit hypocritical as I have started my blog, but its more for my only personal ramblings and people don't have to read it and if they do read it hopefully they will understand me a bit better, but there are many who won't want ever I do or say.

What a crazy weekend

I had to get myself out of bed to go to the school fair, it was a good event and nice that the weather held for us.  Good to see so many people, but as ever felt out of it because of using scooter and not being able to hear properly and not really able to join in things.  Emily was delighted that her baby cousin came along and went around showing her off to all her friends. She loves babies and gets very upset that she does not have any siblings, which in turn makes it hard for me.  Will post a pic later if Isla's mum says its ok.  Isla is so cute and a happy baby, Emily was like that too, can't believe its 6 years ago.  It was 7 years last week when I found out I was pregnant with Emily on my 35th birthday, where does the time go?

School fair raised £1500 =D>  Hoping it boosts the spirits a bit after what has been a tough year.

After school fair we went off to Sheffield to visit family which was hectic as ever.  Yesterday visited my dad in hospital. He is a bit better, but we are frustrated at lack of care and treatment and lack of information being given to us.  the nurse who was on yesterday was better and did chat with us and admitted that much of the stuff we told him they did not know about and they assumed that Dad was always as they see him now, which is not true.

Its been a crazy weekend and I feel far from well, but I don't have time to be ill at the moment, just have to keep pushing limits and hope that I can get through somehow.

Think I will sit quietly and do a few rows of knitting now, don't get much chance.  Its either that or hang the washing up and feel too weak for that at the moment.  No help today so will have to face washing at some point 8-|

Bad day

Feeling really ill today, sick, dizzy, shakey, sore throat, pain all over :( lying on bed trying to feel well enough for school fair later.

Hoping the fair goes well a lot of work has gone into it and the school deserves some positivity. It's raining at moment everything crossed that it brightens up.

Finally underway

The waistcoat is on the needles and 10 rows knitted =D>

Easier with Knobs!

Discovered that if I put the hank of wool around the drawer knobs on my chest of drawers it is much easier to wind the wool into a ball, takes about 15 mins rather than nearly 2 hours!!!!

I know it looks a bit of a mess, but it works :) and I end up with

Just two left to do now, but I think I might knit a bit first as I have one ball of each colour.  Watch this space I am not very confident at the moment as I only have a pattern for shaping and a picture for design and am very easily confused!

Emily's school fair tomorrow so baked buns last night, hope they are ok.  Kitchen is still in a mess 8-|

Emily's plaits had come out by the time she came out of school yesterday.  Today she has a non uniform day and has gone in her new minnie mouse dress http://www.disneystore.co.uk/dresses-skirts-clothing-accessories-disney-girls-girls-gifts-more-minnie-mouse-nautical-dress-for-kids/mp/56283/1000228+1000763/. I tried to persuade her it was not really practical for school, but she wasn't having any of that so i let her wear it, what's the point of a new dress if you can't wear it, I just hope it washes well!

Unsettled

Very unsettled at the moment.  Had no sleep last night and no help this morning so had to get up and manage.  Pain was bad during the night and first thing it is much better now as I have been sat on the bed unravelling some wool.  The wool for waistcoat is in hanks so I need to make it into balls first.  Still doing the first one taken me an hour and a half so far, wonder if the waistcoat will ever get started 8-|

Emily has been trying to grow her hair so she can have plaited bunches! I managed to do them for her this morning just.  They have probably come out by now

Well better get back to my ball of wool, I hope the cat has not found it or I will have to spend another 2 hours rolling it up again 8-|

Feeling Lazy

Feeling rather lazy as spent a big chunk of time reading Life and Times of Call the Midwife an accompaniment to the tv series.  Its is very interesting with information about the making of the programme and about the 1950's.  I have read it in just 2 days thanks to having a poor nights sleep.

Feeling very tired today, but have been to an appointment that was very wearing and placed online shopping order, but still feel I have not done enough and have so many things I want to do.  I was going to try starting the waistcoat, but am too tired to work it out, maybe tomorrow.........  Have to leave some energy for baking for school fair tomorrow night and for sorting out my hearing aids!  Just the thought of all the things is tiring let alone doing them.

Oooooo

Just popped online quickly been lying down and need to go back.  Saw a competition to win this beautiful necklace project from Beads Unlimited.  Must get making some things been so busy and or worn out most if time I am just looking at ideas and not making much :(

Another great resource Ministry of craft.

Can't go back to bed yet as man just come to cut grass etc and will need paying, oh well don't need much excuse to look at more ideas!

Another cool site

Just found another great card stitching site Anns Paperart love the numbers, wish I had seen them when I wanted the numbers!

Got kids tea time club today at Rothwell Baptist Church going to let them do their own thing tonight with junk modelling, just need to go armed with boxes and tubs etc and leave them to it, might get some pics to post later.

Suffering

As usual when we have been busy I feel awful, its feels like a punishment for trying to have fun or do something different.

I can now post pic of the only craft thing I have done recently

An anniversary card for my husband, it was our 12th wedding anniversary yesterday.

Very upset that the kids craft stall is now not happening at the school fair as no one else has shown an interest.  But glad that I won't have to sit there all afternoon helping out.  I have not told Emily yet and need to decide what to do with the things she has made.  She wanted to make them to raise money for poor children, I persuaded her that the school fair might work better, so now got to work out how to sell them.  i have a website that I could sell through, but adding postage on will put people off and I can't cover all the postage and donate money to charity.  There is selling to family and friends, but then you are just asking the same people for money all the time which is not really fair.  Emily said she would set up a stall in the street, but as we live at the end of a cul de sac we don't get a lot of passing traffic or pedestrians.

Think its off to bed for me now.

Great site

Just come a cross a  new (to me) site Fabri Crafts.  Some great fabrics and look at this quilt and matching storage box, oh no and cat fabric too, so tempting magical cats and another.  Will have to see if I get any birthday money this weekend! Loving this one too, love the blacks and brights that what I am using for my quilt if I ever get it done, progress has stalled at the moment.

Still having issues with the hearing aids they both fell out this morning, I am now worried I might lose them and keep pushing them in to make sure they stay in!

Saw my dad last night, he looked generally well, but he is confused, but knows he is confused and is not walking.  The Neurologist is supposed to be seeing him and my Mum and brother this afternoon so will see if they have anything useful to say.

Staff were not terribly helpful and complained when we asked them to take him to toilet as it was handover time and then they did not know what to do with him.  Nurse I spoke to would not give me much information either.

He cannot walk at the moment, although no one knows why and they are not making any effort to try and get him to walk, he would do it with encouragement, but he makes it difficult for people trying to help him so they just don't bother.  They made him use a urine bottle in the bed as they did not want to try getting him out of bed.  Its very frustrating to see.

Spent the morning spring cleaning the hamster cage, hamster now annoyed cos I have moved some of his things around and everything is clean and tidy!!  Pets seem to be in charge today, cat was then sick on the carpet and we have a dying fish which has now disappeared!!  Just watching the birds outside mummy sparrow feeding a baby sparrow and not a bit bothered by the huge pigeon sat next to them!!

Off for a rest now and to read some more of a book I got in library yesterday Parenting your Defiant Child it seems a useful book and hoping that it will help solve some of the conflict and tantrums.

Sigh

Well after initial good impression of hearing aids I am having issues now as they don't fit properly and move meaning I cannot hear as well and my ears are also sore :(  The audiologist thinks I would be better with custom moulds, but that is an extra cost, not sure what to do, I want to be able to hear the best I can, but can't cope with costs mounting up.

Saw this quilt the other day would love to make something like that, I love Pooh bear. As usual so many ideas and not enough time and energy.

Having to cancel appts and cut back on commitments to enable me to cope with every day demands and try and be more focused on Emily and make life a bit more peaceful.

Has fun with Emily with bits of kitchen roll and food colouring last night making patterns like this and she also made a kaleidascope that she had seen on her finger tips dvd.  Off to finish off some of the stuff Emily has made for school fair.  Want to print labels but my labels app has disappeared :-/

Don't know what to do

Just sitting here not knowing what to do with myself.  Have lots of this I want and need to do, but can't settle and focus on anything and carer will be here soon to wash my hair.

Feeling quite sick and dizzy and tired, don't know what is the ME and what is the sleeping tablet! But I did sleep so was not laid in bed worrying for a change.

Its my birthday and wedding anniversary on Sunday :)  Its also Father's Day so I will be sharing my day with my husband and daughter, just hope we can have fun.

This blog is supposed to be about me and crafting, sorry it seems like one long moan at the moment, craft has taken rather a back seat :( hopefully normal service will be resumed soon!

Night night

Determined to sleep, taken sleeping tablet so nighty night  just hope I can get up in the morning!

Just time to start reading new book before tablet kicks in.

Out of sorts

Feeling very out of sorts today.  My Dad was taken into hospital this morning after another fall.  It seems he is not too bad, but is staying in for assessment.  Rob went to support my Mum, makes me feel so useless.  Were supposed to be having photos taken at Whitebox but had to cancel, sadly lose our money, but can't be helped.

Took Emily to Summer fair at Rivers Meet.  As ever there was lots of lovely stuff, got Emily a dress from Kandy Kanes, Lemon Curd and Apricot and Ameretto Jam from Carr Houses a lovely x-stitch cushion and flannel and some bath bombs.  Could have spent more, but had to make sure I had enough for taxi home :( Its been an expensive day.

Had a nice morning at Emily's friends birthday party yesterday.  The kids went bowling and then had a picnic.  They all got on ok, there was the occasional squabble and a few tears, the worst being from Emily on the way home!  We managed to distract her when we got home to find that the walkie talkies we ordered had arrived.  The ides is that she has one and I have one and that she can speak to me instead of shouting me and getting me running around all the time.  It kind of works, but then she got silly and just talks into it all the time so I had to take it off her. Hoping it will be useful if I go upstairs or in kitchen to save me having to go backwards and forwards to see what she wants or to find that it is nothing.  Another very tiring day though.

Got new hearing aids on Friday they are a huge improvement and I can now hear much better and join in conversation and hear Emily and her friends, its amazing.  I am getting so fed up of having to pay out all the time though just to get things to make life a bit easier, or more normal.  Feel like Rob works just so that I can exist.  Not able to spend money on many pleasurable things, no foreign holidays or many things for ourselves.  Its depressing.  I know there are people worse off and that cannot afford anything, but I hate having all these expensive extra needs just to be able to lead a bit of an easier life, but still struggling and having few pleasures.

Printed off another copy of my book with bigger print, but Emily not interested now, its not exciting enough and she is not in the mood to enter discussion.  Will keep trying, but unless it features castles, princess and fairies she is not interested.

I want to be able to settle down and do something nice, but just can't focus.  Think I will spend this week finishing off things Emily started for school fair and had now lost interest in.  There is quite a bit of stuff, just worried than no one else has made anything.  Want to get back to doing something of my own, but there is never the time or energy or other things need to be sorted out.

Its nearly Emily's bedtime now so had better finish for now, longing for my own bed, but know I will not settle and sleep and first got to sort out who is doing what this week and what we are eating etc, oh joy!  Hate feeling like this, I can't change anything and just have to plod along and make best of things, but sometimes it all feels so rubbish.  I have to try and see positives and be grateful for what I have, but today that is not happening, will try again tomorrow!

Another manic week

Feel like it has been another crazy hectic week.  Rob has been out two evenings for school related meetings and today Emily's school is closed and she has so much energy.

On a more positive note my pain has been less this week after Physio on Monday, even after planting plants out in garden which was exhausting, but needed to be done before they died.  Had to get Rob to water them all though and now they need doing again.  Had some little trees to plant and got Emily and kids from next door to do the digging and watering of those.  The others were little plugs so did not need digging just little holes to put them in, but still nearly killed me and Emily did not want to help :(

Showed Emily the book and she can read it and likes it, but don't think she really relates it to reality.  Still trying to work out how to post it on here.

Bought Emily a tiger tent she has been playing in it and had here lunch in it, but it now has a hole in it so need to make a repair.  She says she wants to sleep in it later.

Finished my book

I have kind of finished the book and printed a copy.  Needs a bit of messing with layout.

I do not know how to put it on here without just cut and pasting which I am sure would not work, so will have to wait until I work it out.

Off to rest now.

Madness!

Well the weekend went a bit crazy.  Rob had to rush off to Sheffield to help family so I had Emily on my own after the manic school holidays!  Emily was upset that Rob dashed off unexpectedly. We went a bit mad playing in the garden with bubbles and then going down into town with my scooter.  We had lunch in Morrisons and got a present for Emily's friend, so it was quite productive despite being very tiring.  Emily went to Pat for a a bit in the afternoon and Rob was able to come back earlier than I expected him to.  As it was a nice day and Rob was back we decided to go to the family party at Holy Trinity.  There were only 2 other families there, but we had great fun. I seriously over did it.

Yesterday I came down to earth with a bump and felt awful, was either in bed or lying on floor most of the day :( Had to get up to go to Elephant Bridesmaid at the theatre.  It was quite simple to follow, lucky as I could not hear it!  Emily was a bit whiny but seemed to enjoy it, she just hates having to sit still and in the dark.  Emily got upset later as I could not go and play out in the garden with her, but watched her through window chasing bubbles and playing on climbing frame.

Thankfully its back to school today, but only a 4 day week this week.  Its always a mad rush in a morning getting everything ready and getting Emily to eat breakfast and get dressed.

Excited about getting new hearing aids this week.  I am fed up of not being able to hear, I misheard everyone who spoke to me this morning #o feel so silly, so hoping new aids make things a bit less stressful.  Think my ear infection is making things worse too, but its not painful now so that's something.

Got physio later, looking forward to that to ease some of the pain and stiffness, just have to wait and see how I react to it though, sometimes even though stiffness is better it makes pain worse at first 8|

Wow its so quiet, house all to myself :$

Where are my smilies?

:( are you working?  Very strange the code is still there and I have not changed anything.  Smilies that have worked now just appear as text,  hmmmmmmm