Out of sorts

Feeling very out of sorts today.  My Dad was taken into hospital this morning after another fall.  It seems he is not too bad, but is staying in for assessment.  Rob went to support my Mum, makes me feel so useless.  Were supposed to be having photos taken at Whitebox but had to cancel, sadly lose our money, but can't be helped.

Took Emily to Summer fair at Rivers Meet.  As ever there was lots of lovely stuff, got Emily a dress from Kandy Kanes, Lemon Curd and Apricot and Ameretto Jam from Carr Houses a lovely x-stitch cushion and flannel and some bath bombs.  Could have spent more, but had to make sure I had enough for taxi home :( Its been an expensive day.

Had a nice morning at Emily's friends birthday party yesterday.  The kids went bowling and then had a picnic.  They all got on ok, there was the occasional squabble and a few tears, the worst being from Emily on the way home!  We managed to distract her when we got home to find that the walkie talkies we ordered had arrived.  The ides is that she has one and I have one and that she can speak to me instead of shouting me and getting me running around all the time.  It kind of works, but then she got silly and just talks into it all the time so I had to take it off her. Hoping it will be useful if I go upstairs or in kitchen to save me having to go backwards and forwards to see what she wants or to find that it is nothing.  Another very tiring day though.

Got new hearing aids on Friday they are a huge improvement and I can now hear much better and join in conversation and hear Emily and her friends, its amazing.  I am getting so fed up of having to pay out all the time though just to get things to make life a bit easier, or more normal.  Feel like Rob works just so that I can exist.  Not able to spend money on many pleasurable things, no foreign holidays or many things for ourselves.  Its depressing.  I know there are people worse off and that cannot afford anything, but I hate having all these expensive extra needs just to be able to lead a bit of an easier life, but still struggling and having few pleasures.

Printed off another copy of my book with bigger print, but Emily not interested now, its not exciting enough and she is not in the mood to enter discussion.  Will keep trying, but unless it features castles, princess and fairies she is not interested.

I want to be able to settle down and do something nice, but just can't focus.  Think I will spend this week finishing off things Emily started for school fair and had now lost interest in.  There is quite a bit of stuff, just worried than no one else has made anything.  Want to get back to doing something of my own, but there is never the time or energy or other things need to be sorted out.

Its nearly Emily's bedtime now so had better finish for now, longing for my own bed, but know I will not settle and sleep and first got to sort out who is doing what this week and what we are eating etc, oh joy!  Hate feeling like this, I can't change anything and just have to plod along and make best of things, but sometimes it all feels so rubbish.  I have to try and see positives and be grateful for what I have, but today that is not happening, will try again tomorrow!