Little Miss Brainfog

Little Miss Brainfog lived in a normal house in a normal street, surrounded by normal people.

Little Miss Brainfog also looked normal, but had an illness with and extraordinarily long name, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, which it is easier to call ME.

Like it's name Myalgic Encephalomyelitis is also rather complicated and extraordinary.

The illness made Little Miss Brainfog feel like ; Little Miss Dotty, Little Miss Scatterbrain, Little Miss Fickle, Little Miss Whoops, Mr Bump, Mr Topsy Turvey, Mr Forgetful, Mr Lazy, Mr Muddle, Mr Dizzy, Mr Grumpy, Mr Clumsy, Mr Worry, Mr Slow and Mr Grumble all rolled in to one.

Along with a few others that you may not have heard of  before such as Little Miss Ouch, Little Miss Confused, Little Miss Sleepy and Little Miss Lonely.

In a morning when it was time to get up Little Miss Brainfog found it very difficult to get out of bed because of feeling unwell and tired.  People thought she was like Mr Lazy, but she really wanted to be up and doing things like Little Miss Busy and Mr Rush.

Once out of bed Little Miss Brainfog used a lot of energy getting her breakfast and getting ready, it was hard work and she felt very like Mr Slow.

Little Miss Brainfog has difficulty doing things for herself and often needs help, this makes her feel like Little Miss Useless.

After getting ready Little Miss Brainfog tries to do things, but because of feeling ill and not being able to concentrate or think properly she feels like Mr Muddle, Mr Clumsy, Mr Dizzy, Little Miss Dotty, Mr Forgetful, Little Miss Scatterbrain and Little Miss Whoops all in one.  This is what brainfog feels like and why she is called Little Miss Brainfog.

Little Miss Brainfog finds it difficult to get out and meet people and join in activities, people think she is like Mr Rude and Mr Uppity, but it's actually because of the brainfog and feeling so ill and in pain.  All the other people in Normal Town seem to have fun and know lots of people and do lots of things.  Little Miss Brainfog feels left out and lonely as well as being ill.

When Little Miss Brainfog does go out she feels like Mr Silly as she needs to use a wheelchair and people don't think normal looking people should use wheelchairs.  As well as not being able to walk Little Miss Brainfog finds the light, noise and business of Normal Town very overwhelming and just wants to go home or find a place called peace and quiet land- which doesn't seem to exist.

Little Miss Brainfog has to rest during the day, but she really wants to be like Little Miss Helpful, Little Miss Busy, Little Miss Quick, Little Miss Tidy, Little Miss Fun and Little Miss Somersault.

Little Miss Brainfog tries her hardest all the time and wants to be like Mr Strong and Mr Perfect, but the harder she tries the worse the extraordinary illness becomes and she feels like another unknown Mr Pathetic.

Have you ever tried to run a marathon through treacle whilst in pain, with lots of noise and flashing lights around you, whilst carrying the weekly shopping?  You haven't?  This is what doing a very ordinary task feels like to Little Miss Brainfog, for example walking upstairs and then when you get to the end you become Little Miss Scatterbrain and forget why you are there and have to do the whole marathon again.

Have you ever been so tired that all you want to do is go to bed for a good sleep?  Little Miss Brainfog feels like this all the time, but when she tries to sleep she can't, how very peculiar!

Have you ever spun around until you feel so dizzy you fall over?  This is what Little Miss Brainfog feels like standing still.  How bizzare!

Little Miss Brainfog might look normal, or appear to be like Mr Lazy, Little Miss Scatterbrain, Little Miss Whoops or Mr Rude. Actually she is some very special people inside like Mr Strong, Mr Impossible, Mr Clever, Mr Brave, Mr Good, Little Miss Splendid, Little Miss Star, Little Miss Wise, Little Miss Brainy and Little Miss Stubborn.

She would love to be Little Miss Sunshine, Little Miss Giggles, Little Miss Helpful, Little Miss Busy, Little Miss Busy, Little Miss Fun, Mr Happy, Mr Bounce, Mr Clever and Mr Busy.

So remember the next time you see a person they might not be who you think they are, appearances are deceptive.

Pride and Prejudice Part 1

No, I am not on a trip to the library, but as usual trying to juggle everyday life and illness.

The book title kept popping into my head, I think because of the daily internal arguments over what I should be doing, could be doing, can do, can't do and what is best for me and other people all of which conflict making choices impossible.  There is no concrete right and wrong but for each choice there is a consequence for my health or my conscience.

I have just been looking at definitions of pride. How can one word mean so many things, many of which conflict?!  How can the same word mean "Consciousness of one’s own dignity." For example; he swallowed his pride and asked for help" or  "but, have you ever had anyone try to make a mockery of you, try to take away your dignity, your pride, your own self-worth?"  Whilst at the same time it can mean "The quality of having an excessively high opinion of oneself or one’s importance: for example "The ancient Greeks had a word for it - hubris which means excessive pride, arrogance." or "I had committed the cardinal sin of pride and this was my punishment."  Quotes from Oxford dictionaries.

Often we say we have our pride meaning our dignity as we are ashamed of our needs and feel that people will be prejudiced against us.  Prejudice being; "Preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience": for example "Some prejudices (preconceived opinions of an individual based on opinions about the many) have names such as racism, sexism, or ageism." (Oxford Dictionaries)

Why for example am I sitting here typing a blog when I feel really ill and know it is not good for me? Partly because I hate not doing something and I am very limited at the moment to what I can do, but mainly because I don't want to be thought lazy!  Who is going to think I am lazy?  There is only my daughter here and she is happily playing on the computer and for once not making any demands on me.  There is the guilt that I have been at home all day when my daughter and husband have been at school, and work and working hard and my husband is not yet home from his 12 hour day and his train is running late, but he is probably sat doing nothing on the train or even asleep, except when he gets texts from me!  And I feel like I have to go and tidy up the kitchen following mine and Emily's tea which was of the throw in the oven variety because Rob wasn't here to cook and I can't expect him to clear up a mess he didn't make even though it has cost me dear to make the simple meal.

It's not the sort of puffed up pride that I think I am too good and can't let other people do things, it's the shame of what I can't do and the shame of asking for help the need to keep my dignity intact sort of pride.

There is a lot of prejudice against people with ME, they are considered lazy or making up the illness and afraid to try things.  So how are we lazy when the simplest of tasks can make us ill, but we are too ashamed to be seen as lazy or making it up so we try so hard only to be knocked back and made more ill.  We are trying to save our pride.  On the other hand if we accept our limitations and ask for help or claim to be disabled then we get the prejudiced view that we are not disabled or that somehow disabled people are lesser beings, so either way we can't win.

I am so ashamed when I take my daughter to and from school that I have to be allowed to park in the school car park instead of being proud of the fact that I do take her to school myself, but that's mainly because I am too proud to ask for help, confused? Yes me too!  Today took another blow to my pride and had to use my walking stick even for the short distance from car to classroom because I could hardly walk and was feeling really dizzy, but I only gave in after quite a long argument with myself thinking that people would think badly of me or think I was looking for attention or sympathy.  In reality people probably didn't even notice, but I felt ashamed and useless whilst I should have been proud of myself for my achievement or was I just too proud to ask for help when I needed it?

My other issue is my hearing loss and the fact that I have hearing aids.  I won't admit that I can't hear or explain to people that I need them to speak clearer or speak up, I just let myself look stupid or ignorant which is not very dignified and does little to save my pride and I end up avoiding situations or conversations which also makes me look ignorant.  I am sure that it would be much more dignified to admit the problem, but then people won't talk to me because I can't hear or they will treat me like I am stupid, again it's a no win situation for me.

Having a blue badge allows me a little bit of pride and dignity in that I can collect my own prescription or park near the entrance to a small shop or the library.  Then my pride is shattered by those who don't think I should have one as I can walk a little and I become ashamed of my need and my pride in doing something for myself is taken away and replaced by guilt.  Take my blue badge away and have lost my small amount of dignity and pride in the small tasks because I wouldn't be able to do then any more.  Being unable to do these things would make me ashamed and guilty as I would have to swallow my pride and ask for help and would get the prejudice label of being lazy.

Well I do need to swallow my pride now and admit that I feel really tired, sick, dizzy and in pain and accept that I need to sit and do nothing or go to bed.

Watch out for Pride and Prejudice Pt 2 and also Sense and Sensibility which are currently spinning around in my head waiting until I can get them down on my blog!

As I am currently away from Facebook, where I share and promote my blog, please could you share this blog if you have found it interesting or useful.  Many thanks

ME is real and it's bad

I have seen a few things this week trying to get across the impact of ME and how it affects us

Firstly an article from Health Rising, "The authors looked at median and mean quality of life scores. The median scores are a more accurate measurement of a community because they’re not skewed by people with really high or low scores. How did the quality of the lives of people with ME/CFS stack up next to those of people with cancer, multiple sclerosis, heart attack or stroke? They were worse – significantly worse."  There is another take on it here  stating "In a list of 21 medical conditions, including: breast cancer, colon cancer, heart disease, renal failure, stroke brain, lung cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, sclerosis, depression, angina, among 10 others…ME/CFS is listed first in severity of disability.   FIRST."

Along similar lines this image 

and this 

I have also read a couple of blog posts by Sian Wooton who describes what it is like to have the condition and the realities of trying to do things that you want to do Let me put it this way and Holiday Reality.  Well said Sian.  And another post from Anna Jones about fatigue.

I am sure that people will say that I am not that bad, believe what you like, I know how it feels and it hurts not to be believed and makes me push myself all the more which makes things worse.

I think some of these images sum up my feelings, especially the last one!!

I want to resign!

The other day having a conversation with Rob as I was upset that I rarely get to do things I want or enjoy doing cos I am too worn out form doing every day stuff and was saying that people who work full time and do all their own housework get more pleasurable things done than me. Rob said being ill was my job and it takes all my time and energy, I wasn't really sure what to make of that! He manages to work full time, to be out several nights a week and do things he wants to do as well as looking after me and Emily when needed. If this is my job it is the worse job in the world no job satisfaction, no reward (payment), no time off, no option to change jobs. Even if you are in a job you don't like at least you get paid and feel you are doing something and if things are really bad you can leave and find something else.
Last week a job advert landed on my Facebook feed:

"Communications and Campaigns Officer (Ref: CCO 2015)

14 hours p/w, location to be negotiated (office or homebased) £24,492 -£28,922 pro rata depending on qualifications and experience Additional London weighting available to candidates from London Play England are looking for someone to develop and implement a communications and campaigns strategy to support the Street Play project funded by the Department of Health. The post holder will work with colleagues in Playing Out and London Play to support a national campaign to promote street play to create the conditions and encourage more children to play out more often. The successful candidate will have experience of managing website content and ability to utilise social media and new technologies to increase reach of key messages, disseminate information and build partnerships.

This is a temporary post until 31 March 2016.  Play England welcomes applications from self-employed applicants and is also willing to consider secondments. Closing date: Monday 6 July 2015 Interviews: Thursday 16 July 2015"

I would love to do it and to anyone else it sounds a great job 14 hours a week, for me that is about 10 hours too many!! I even know the person who is advertising the job! But who would give me the job even if I was well enough having not worked for 15 years and being very out of date.

I came on the PC to post pictures of the things I have made in June, just to prove I actually did something and found that in my haste I have not got pictures of many of the things, so annoying as they were good too, even if I do say so myself, not something I do very often.

Any here are the ones I do have

Pattern from  Embroidery on Paper for Every Occasion Perfect Paperback – Sep 2004

by Joke De Vette (Author), Adriaan De Vette (Author)

Pattern from Dee Craft

Pattern from Ann's Paper Art

I also made two hot air balloon cards with patterns from Dee Craft and this car pattern in green and added a roof to it.  So I did do something, but it doesn't feel much.  I have a couple of orders for cards which I need to get on with as the longer I leave it the more pressure I will be under and only have myself to blame.

I am really down at the moment due to limitations, decisions that I have to make and how it affects my family.  The mindfulness has gone out the window as it's so hard to live in the moment and appreciate what you are doing when you know there will be consequences.

I have just seen these graphics which I think I need to take on board more, but it's still hard.

ME vs Cancer

Here is a great article about a fellow sufferer Jenny Andrews, who has had both ME and cancer and her experiences of the difference in attitude and treatment between the two and her descriptions of having ME.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2861107/I-d-CANCER-chronic-fatigue-syndrome-Woman-s-battled-condition-10-years-says-people-unfairly-labelled-attention-seekers.html

There are some great quotes

"Jose Montoya, a professor of medicine at Stanford University and a leading expert in CFS, has described the condition as 'one of the greatest scientific and medical challenges of our time'. 
He said: 'Its symptoms often include not only overwhelming fatigue but also joint and muscle pain, incapacitating headaches, food intolerance, sore throat, enlargement of the lymph nodes, gastrointestinal problems, abnormal blood-pressure and heart-rate events, and hypersensitivity to light, noise or other sensations.'"

"Chronic fatigue is like having horrendous nausea and then being thrown on a ship - and feeling sea sick - with bags of potatoes tied to each limb - and then someone asking you to run a marathon. And that is just to get to the toilet."

"'I've been told I'm not ill, to have a glass of wine and that I'm actually depressed. There comes a point where you start to doubt yourself and think "am I"?

She continued: 'However with depression, you have no motivation, feel like there is no point to anything and have no fun any more. 

'I do have the motivation, drive and ambition to get up and do things - just not the physical strength.

'Some people think I'm making it up and being lazy - it's horrendous."

"'I've been told that in order to have the best chance of recovery, you need to start getting treatment within the first six months.

'But many doctors say you have to have had symptoms for six months before you are diagnosed with CFS."

"Tony Britton, of the ME Association, told MailOnline: 'We are not surprised by Jenny saying having chronic fatigue syndrome feels worse than those awful days when she had bladder cancer.

'When people have cancer they can generally access speedy and effective treatment, research is rapidly moving forward to reduce the death toll, come up with individualised treatments, and providing a good quality of life as long as possible. 'The whole medical and nursing establishment can get behind you.' He added that by contrast, CFS – which is also known as M.E. (myalgic encephalomyelitis) – is poorly understood."

Please do read the rest of the article.  Well done Jenny for getting this article published.

My husband had cancer in 2006/7 and despite having a strict drug regime and risking hospitalisation if he unable to keep his medication down he says he is glad he had the cancer over ME.  He is now able to lead a normal life and care for me and my daughter, people with ME can't do that.

Story behind the photos!

Every picture tells a story or so they say, or the camera never lies, but in this case the pictures were not telling the truth.  They show happy faces, they show peace, they show fun.  They don't show the pain, the difficulty getting ready and getting there, the payback for doing it, the effects of the bright lights, the effects of having to concentrate on what people were telling me to do and still getting it wrong.  They don't show the weeks of preparation and anxiety about getting it right and being ready. They don't show ME at all do they?

We tried to tell a story by taking the sleeping pictures

But without the captions they don't tell you much.  They don't tell you how painful it was to be in that position, they don't tell you I had 2 hours sleep the night before, they don't tell you the tiara was hurting my head and making me dizzy, they don't tell you how difficult it was to put my make up on and how ill I felt the day before having my hair cut and coloured, they don't tell you all the thoughts rushing about in my head and how all I want to do is go home and lie down for real.

Add captions and they do speak a bit louder

But they are still far from the truth.

Then we have the ones where it looks like I am holding Emily

Actually she is standing on a chair

Then the ones of me on my own, smiling and laughing

Again they don't show the effort of just standing there and the brightness and trying to follow instructions, the difficulty moving about in the dress.  They do demonstrate putting on a brave face

They do maybe demonstrate some of the isolation and the feeling of being alone with the illness, as what you don't see is the other four people who were in the room, or that they were doing all sorts of things to make me laugh and smile.

The ones with Emily, don't show the pain I feel at missing out on so much of her growing up and and the guilt at not being able to be a proper Mum to her, the difficulties I have trying to explain my illness to her and the battle I have to do the best I can, which never feels enough.

They don't show me going straight to bed when we got home, hardly able to move.  They don't show later in the day when she wanted me to carry on playing Princesses and I got angry at her fussing and excitement.  They don't show me crying as I can't do what she wants or because I can't stand the noise or because she won't listen to me.  They don't show the confusion on her face when she can't understand why I can't play with her or meet her demands.  They don't show all the help I have to keep the house in order and to put food on the table so that I can be there for her.  They don't show the sadness I feel when she has to put me to bed or help me in the bath rather than the other way around.

They show a happy little girl there is no doubt about that, but they don't show the tantrums and defiance and confusion of her every day life.

They show a little girl who is well cared for as she has a Dad who works hard and makes sure she can have what she wants and take part in activities without my support.  They don't show the hours I spend on my own waiting for her to come home, only to find it too overwhelming and the joy crushed.  

They show a little girl who is loved, but it is so difficult to show that to her and to show that I really mean it.

The sad pictures maybe show better reality, but still dressed up and wearing make up is not the real me.

Wearing comfy clothes and shoes that take minimal effort to put on and wear is much more me, hence the slippers

This doesn't tell that my husband also has health issues and had cancer at 29 and needs a complicated drug regime for the rest of his life.  Or that he has to work full time to cover the expenses of my being ill, cost of physio, wheelchairs, special food and that he has to come home from work and cook a meal and that he has to take me everywhere I need to go and does many things on my behalf.  That he has never been able to enjoy his recovery as he has always had me and Emily to care for.  We have to pay out for decorators and gardening because he just doesn't have the time for doing DIY.  It doesn't show the stress and the arguments that we have, I don't even recognise those smiles.  That we never spend any time together as I am too worn out once Emily has gone to bed and we hardly ever have time without Emily and if we do it's to difficult to do anything.

The happy family photo, again a rare sight to all be in the same room and looking happy, no sign of the strain of getting us all ready, the arguments and tears later on because I felt so ill and Emily and Rob were fed up.  The fact that we have to accept that this is our complete family despite the longing for another child that we can't have and the times that Emily is so upset because she has no one to play with or to share the burden of having a sick disabled Mum, someone who would understand how she felt, although I would not wish that upon another child at least they would have each other for comfort.

These pictures from the same day show a more realistic story, having to use a wheelchair to go out, spending hours resting in a dark room and the fact that some places see disability as a joke!  Out of 4 disabled spaces 2 were obstructed with concrete pillars so couldn't be used by a car, but they have provided the obligatory spaces.  I emailed them to complain, but as yet have not has a reply and don't really expect to.  Ah well I won't have to worry soon as my entitlement to a blue badge is coming to an end due to criteria changes, so then I won't be able to go out anyway!

I need to stop now as this long post also gives the wrong impression, it doesn't show, how many mistakes I have made, how long it has taken, the pain and dizziness and shaking to get it complete whilst I still know what I want to say.

So have I raised awareness into ME?  I don't know, I think I have given a very good demonstration of why people think people with ME are liars and not really ill at all.  I pushed myself made myself more ill and gave totally the wrong impression.  No wonder people don't understand, but if I showed the real story there would be nothing to see and we can't spend all our lives being miserable and feeling sorry for ourselves, sometimes you have to put on a brave face and make an effort and accept the consequences of it.

Wear it for ME

Browsing on Cafepress I found some great clothing for ME awareness.  I think they are great, but having spent quite a bit on stuff for the fundraising can't really justify buying any, but thought I would share them for my awareness campaign as I can relate to all the slogans.

Sick and Tired

Serenity

Chronic Illness

Nap

Frain

Brainfog

To Do

Medicated

Classified

Empty

Finally one that isn't on shirt, but maybe should be

I don't think I would be much of an advert wearing any of these as I am rarely out and about and if I am I usually have my coat on!!  Now if they had the words on a big chunky coat!

Well I hope they give people some idea what it is like and it's ok to have a giggle at them too as long a you realise it's also a serious matter

​

Check out my fundraising page https://www.justgiving.com/Jane-Shaw5 and join in the fun May 12th.

ME awareness colour is blue, wear something blue on May 12th to show your support..

What is in a Name?

Well the latest in the ME/CFS world is what to call it again?

But how important is a name?  My name is Jane, does that tell you what I am like, how I behave, what I look like?  My name means gracious, gift from god, I guess that would depend who you ask as to whether they think that is true.

Does the name of an illness have to describe what it is?  Cancer doesn't tell you what it is, or Diabetes.  Many illnesses are named after people Parkinson's or Huntington's.  Has anyone ever heard of Guillain Barre Syndrome or Diabetes Insipidus?  Not many, but they don't think less of it because they don't understand the name.

When people hear the word cancer their immediate reaction is that it is fatal, actually y not many people die from it these days, but I am sure that changing the name won't make any difference and the emphasis is on getting quick and effective treatments.

ME/CFS was first called Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, but got changed to Chronic Fatigue as no one knew what Myalgic Encephalomyelitis meant.  Some believe that ME and CFS are different illnesses as there is much more to ME that chronic fatigue.

Literally Myalgic Encephalomyelitis means

Myalgia - Muscle pain
Encephalomyelitis - Inflammation of the brain and or spinal cord.

But does that matter?  What is important is that it is a serious and debilitating condition that is not taken seriously.  The time that is wasted thinking of a suitable name takes away from developing diagnosis techniques and research into causes and treatments.  Whatever it is called it will never lose the stigma attached to being Chronic Fatigue or Yuppie Flu, it might get more respect if it was called We Don't Have A Clue Syndrome!

The proposed new name is SEID, Systemic Exertion Intolerance Disease, hmmmm what does that say, sounds like idleitis to me.  Someone did an internet search for SEID and the first thing that came up was 

Really helpful!  If he wants to come and do my chores though I will happily call it SEID!

Whatever the name is will never describe how the illness affects us and the symptoms we suffer.

How do you condense this into a name?

Headache

Dizziness

Poor co-ordination

Poor concentration

Confusion

Unable to walk far

Unable to stand very long

Tinnitus

Muscle pain

Joint pain

Stomach ache

Irritable bowel

Tender spots in back and shoulders

Weakness in arms and legs

Fatigue

Feeling cold

Sweating

Irritable bladder

Palpitations

Tingling in hands, feet, head and face

Sleep disturbance, Insomnia

Nausea

Bruise easily

Sore throat

Swollen lymph nodes

Food intolerances, gluten, fish, alcohol, sugar, dairy, yeast

Itchy skin

Itchy eyes

Mood swings

Nasal irritation

Restless

Earache

Intolerance to bright light

Intolerance to loud noise

Weight loss

Panic/ anxiety attacks

Visual disturbance

Painful tongue

Shaking

Stiffness in arms and legs

Mouth Ulcers

Adrenaline issues.

They are my symptoms, they vary day to day and some are more of an issue than others.  Not everyone has the same symptoms or the same severity.  It is unlikely that everyone classed as having ME, CFS, SEID all have the same thing.  How can someone who can go to work, walk and run a home have the same as me or someone who is totally confined to bed and needs all care?  It's so confusing, but changing the name won't help.

What is in a name? ME, CFS, SEID? I don't really care what it is called, it already has a stigma and will never lose that, more needs to be put into proper diagnostics and treatment instead of what to call it, why does the name need to say what it is, other illnesses don't and they are taken seriously.

Why should I?

I have spent large chunks of the last few days in bed as I have been unable to do my normal stuff without feeling too ill and it is already hitting me this morning.  BUT why do I feel guilty, why should I try and do more, why should I be up and about and doing as much as possible, why should I do things I know will make me feel much worse.  What is wrong with resting, or lying in bed when I have the chance?  What is bad about resting most of the day so I feel ok when my daughter finishes school?  Why should I do what other people want me to do or keep others happy when it makes me feel so ill?

For weeks I have been feeling guilty because I can't make enough stuff to be able to sell and get some money back, but why should I, I am not well enough to do it and often don't manage to make enough for my own needs, so why do I feel I have to do more.  Why do I feel guilty about buying things to make and keeping them for when I feel up to it? What is wrong with making things for myself even if I don't get much use out of them?  Why do I feel that making things for gifts has no value to them, because I have made them, even though it takes a lot of time and effort on my part, but yet if I buy something someone else has made it has a value?  Why do I feel that other peoples things are better than mine, even though they probably took a fraction of the time and effort.

Why should my pain and other symptoms count less than anyone else's?  Why should I feel guilty for asking for help or support or for admitting I feel awful?

Why should I try to appear normal when I am not?

Why should I let people's expectations, assumptions or demands get to me and take priority over my needs?

If I don't feel like doing things, why should I feel I have to, or feel guilty for just sitting browsing Facebook if that's all I feel able to do or feel that I have to make up for it later.  I have a bit of a love hate relationship with Facebook, I think it is a big waste of time, but also feel it is my only connection with the outside world and also people with similar issues.  I often get tied up in things and then realise I have used all my time and energy on something that I shouldn't be doing.

Why should I feel guilty that I can't walk my daughter to school, many others choose not to.  Or that I can't prepare and cook a proper meal, again many choose not to.

I could go on forever, but why should I?  It will get boring and waste my energy, all ready feeling bad and needing to rest.  I will sit watching the snow and try to make a bit more of my daughter's birthday card, I only have 2 weeks to go!!