Payback time!

It was a busy day yesterday with Physio after school drop off, which meant I had a relatively pain free day, but I can feel it this morning.  I went straight from there to 5 ways which over ran so I didn't get home until 12.30, having left at 8.30!  I had been driving, talking, concentrating so it was a lot for me even though I had not ventured far from home or done anything really physical.

My first positive was having physio, its not always comfortable, but nice to get all the knots removed and a bit of me time.  Second positive was getting to 5 ways and taking part, actually said quite bit, not like me.  I also managed to hear a bit better in group exercises by turning up my hearing aids, I know that might sound like an obvious solution, but everything becomes louder and can be quite startling or overwhelming.  We were talking about making small steps towards our goals.  I know I always take on too much and set to big a goal so set myself up for failure or disappointment.  The girl I was talking about was talking about losing weight, its easy to see that she needs to set small targets and chart her progress etc and not have an unobtainable goal like losing a ridiculous amount of weight.  We had to choose something we wanted to make small steps towards.  Everything I thought of seemed to big or difficult to break down.  I decided just for the sake of something to spend more quality time with Emily and realised that it doesn't have to be something big, just making time for her, listening to her, sitting with her, not trying to do other jobs at the same time.  So we will see how it goes my first attempt last night went well.

When Emily came home we had a chat about a few things and then went to wrap our shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child, she was excited about doing them and was wondering where they were going etc and talking about the sort of children who might get the boxes. They had a talk about them at school and she said many people had said it was a silly idea.  I know its not a cheap thing to do, and I collect things throughout the year.  If people are unable to afford to pack a box it if you have several children all wanting to do one it must make it hard that's fair enough, but saying its not a nice idea if a bit cruel and makes the ones who are doing it feel they are in the wrong or they don't want to admit to doing it.  Maybe schools, churches etc could suggest making group boxes so that there is little cost involved rather than telling people they need to make one each.  It was also sad to realise that whilst we are doing that for children in other countries there are many children in our own country who would also benefit.  So filling the boxes and having some Emily time is my third positive.

Later on I managed to iron a few of Emily's clothes whilst she was at gymnastics as she needed a uniform for today.  It's last day of term tomorrow and they have a non uniform day.  Thursday and Friday are training days so it makes the holidays longer.

Due to having such a busy day and having a cold I did not sleep much, the ME allows you less sleep the more tired you are, not very helpful.  I have lots of jobs I need to do today, but also need my energy for parents evening later.  I also waiting for a delivery which is due during my rest time and I don't want to miss it as I need to sign for it, so again not very helpful.  I will really have to work out what are real priorities and leave the rest.  I am still without my daily help so am doing things I don't normally do and expecting to still be able to do other things.

As usual I have too many things waiting for my attention or things I want to do for me.  I haven't even looked at my Child Behaviour course work yet, its a good job there is not a time limit, but I would like to get going on it soon.

I have to be sensible now and have some rest especially as I won't get it later, it's so frustrating.

Going Mad?!

I am going mad with pain and lack of rest, its horrid, but I know I shouldn't complain.

The coat saga continues.  The cost to return coat to Hong Kong would be £8 and I would get a full refund, but company are not keen for me to do this and have offered me £10 and to keep the coat telling me to sell or give away.  This means I am about £16 out of pocket and I am sure it would not sell for that much.  Rob tells me not to worry, but its all a lot of money to me.  Although was put a bit into perspective last night when looking at fireworks in Morrisons and to have anything worthwhile it will cost at least £20 and Emily of course wants the £40 pack!!  And that's just to go up in smoke, but we pay it.  But then complain that the cost of the cups of tea and coffee in the cafe have gone up by about 10p, its still far cheaper than anywhere else.  We only went in to get Emily some black leggings for her Halloween costume, they were more of a bargain, two pairs for five pounds!  Rob says I can go and look at coats so I can choose one I like and can try on, but it has to be when we can get Emily looked after so not until we see family and then can't be out too long as we don't see much of them.  Is it really worth it?  My head such a mess at moment a coat feels like an unnecessary item really, I don't know what to think or do.  Only want a coat because I saw some I liked and it gives me something mind numbing to look at.

No rest again today too wound up and in pain :-(

Just realised that I have not been making a note of my positives this week.  

Now I know why I can't hear properly my hearing aid battery was running out, its been bugging me for days thought my ear was blocked! Ah that's better I think.

I have just gone to get the positives sheet out and found I have made no notes this week at all and I was also supposed to be doing a mindfulness relaxation each day and commenting on how it went and making my small steps to change, oh dear, its a good job we don't get marked on homework!

I had made a note of Monday's in highs and lows.  Tuesday's were lost in a haze of pain and fatigue, but Emily went to bed easier and I went to bed early myself.

Yesterday was a bad day and again hard to find positives, but I got a lovely message from a friend after writing my blog, it was very sweet and made me cry.  I also got a card from an ME friend who is much worse than me and I know its such an effort for her.  Her husband wrote the post meet Michael which got 204 views, my average views is about 15!  As usual for a Wednesday there was no school run for me so that is always good.

I am already making a note of today's before I forget, and its only 3pm!  This morning I noticed the beautiful patterns made by the raindrops on the hedge and pointed it out to Emily.  Although it has left me feeling very unwell I am proud of making up Emily's bed and hope that she will sleep in it as promised.  I got a lovely comment about my quilt after the picture on my blog, so even in a bad day good things do happen, they don't need to be big or dramatic, sometimes its easy to forget that.  Just to try and make myself feel better I finally got the donations made to cover the cost of sending the Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes.  I have been collecting things all year and we have made up three this year.  I also donated to liME in support of my friend Sally who has given up chocolate for Stoptober see Stop it.  Wow I should pat myself on the back, gently of course!  I also donated to St Lukes Hospice festival of light earlier in the week in memory of my cousin and grandparents.  All good causes and more important than a coat.