Going Mad?!

I am going mad with pain and lack of rest, its horrid, but I know I shouldn't complain.

The coat saga continues.  The cost to return coat to Hong Kong would be £8 and I would get a full refund, but company are not keen for me to do this and have offered me £10 and to keep the coat telling me to sell or give away.  This means I am about £16 out of pocket and I am sure it would not sell for that much.  Rob tells me not to worry, but its all a lot of money to me.  Although was put a bit into perspective last night when looking at fireworks in Morrisons and to have anything worthwhile it will cost at least £20 and Emily of course wants the £40 pack!!  And that's just to go up in smoke, but we pay it.  But then complain that the cost of the cups of tea and coffee in the cafe have gone up by about 10p, its still far cheaper than anywhere else.  We only went in to get Emily some black leggings for her Halloween costume, they were more of a bargain, two pairs for five pounds!  Rob says I can go and look at coats so I can choose one I like and can try on, but it has to be when we can get Emily looked after so not until we see family and then can't be out too long as we don't see much of them.  Is it really worth it?  My head such a mess at moment a coat feels like an unnecessary item really, I don't know what to think or do.  Only want a coat because I saw some I liked and it gives me something mind numbing to look at.

No rest again today too wound up and in pain :-(

Just realised that I have not been making a note of my positives this week.  

Now I know why I can't hear properly my hearing aid battery was running out, its been bugging me for days thought my ear was blocked! Ah that's better I think.

I have just gone to get the positives sheet out and found I have made no notes this week at all and I was also supposed to be doing a mindfulness relaxation each day and commenting on how it went and making my small steps to change, oh dear, its a good job we don't get marked on homework!

I had made a note of Monday's in highs and lows.  Tuesday's were lost in a haze of pain and fatigue, but Emily went to bed easier and I went to bed early myself.

Yesterday was a bad day and again hard to find positives, but I got a lovely message from a friend after writing my blog, it was very sweet and made me cry.  I also got a card from an ME friend who is much worse than me and I know its such an effort for her.  Her husband wrote the post meet Michael which got 204 views, my average views is about 15!  As usual for a Wednesday there was no school run for me so that is always good.

I am already making a note of today's before I forget, and its only 3pm!  This morning I noticed the beautiful patterns made by the raindrops on the hedge and pointed it out to Emily.  Although it has left me feeling very unwell I am proud of making up Emily's bed and hope that she will sleep in it as promised.  I got a lovely comment about my quilt after the picture on my blog, so even in a bad day good things do happen, they don't need to be big or dramatic, sometimes its easy to forget that.  Just to try and make myself feel better I finally got the donations made to cover the cost of sending the Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes.  I have been collecting things all year and we have made up three this year.  I also donated to liME in support of my friend Sally who has given up chocolate for Stoptober see Stop it.  Wow I should pat myself on the back, gently of course!  I also donated to St Lukes Hospice festival of light earlier in the week in memory of my cousin and grandparents.  All good causes and more important than a coat.