Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Struggling and calender pin up!

The days and weeks seem to be getting more difficult and my energy is quickly depleted, but then when I realise how much we are doing its hardly surprising.  As today is 1st of October I turned my calender over to find there is hardly day where I don't have something on and that's on top of normal routine and my PA is away for best part of 3 weeks and I have only have cover for cleaning, so that will be 2 hours a week instead of 2 hours a day!!  The month ends with half term a week off school with two training days tacked on to it.  I can't face it all, but what choice do I have.  Rob informed me he has a long day in London next Thursday, I have Emily's Willows worker coming and need to get Emily to GFS and Rob will be out the following evening using his anniversary voucher at Curry Cuisine.  I have to get Emily for her eye test this afternoon, traffic is bad in Leeds today due to a nightclub fire, took Rob an hour and half to get to work, so no idea how long it will take him to get home.  Luckily for me the eye test is local, but parking is a nightmare.

I was much happier on turning over my other calender and finding a beautiful pin up boy!

He is my dream cat! (Sorry Timmy)

Was glad to have a break from school run this morning, its Emily's walking day.  I was so fed up last night, its not an easy drive, lots of parked cars, narrows roads and people everywhere and keep getting other drivers complaining that I have not moved over enough and then I can't park in a straight line!  I know I am still getting used to new car and that my spacial awareness is not great, but I didn't think my driving was that bad.  I asked hubby if I just meet grumpy drivers or if my driving is rubbish, he didn't give me a straight answer so I suspect her does not rate my driving much either.  Its rather depressing, I have a new car that is nice to drive and much easier to handle than the old one and I am not enjoying it.  It is nice enough some of the time to still use my mobility scooter, but there is something wrong with it and I daren't use it.  It needs servicing which of course costs money and then if there is something wrong with it that also costs money so it is just gathering dust, which is sad as they are not cheap to buy in the first place.  My scooter is second hand, but was in good condition when I got it, but like everything else I have had it a while now and nothing lasts, but I have not got the use from it that I should have.

Well I am supposed to be looking for positives, its hard this week.  So for yesterday I will have getting my cards written for my connecting with people, getting the shower replaced without any hassle thanks to very helpful plumber and hearing that my Grandma's craft stuff that I gave to my friend Pat for her craft group is being put to good use.

My own craft has stalled I am stuck with a couple of things and literally don't have the time or energy to pick anything up.  I have so many ideas and things I want to do so I am getting annoyed with myself, but what is a hobby and relaxation for many is a difficult task for me and not something I can just pick up.  I do wish I had more space so I could leave things out and do a little at a time, but its not possible and so once I have got something out I can be too worn out to do any or have to save energy to put it away again, its very frustrating and makes me feel so useless and like I never do anything.

Wishing this was me right now, how do kids and animals fall asleep so easily and look so peaceful.

As ever when I am unsettled or over tired, if I sleep I have dreams, so I wake up feeling like I have been really busy.  last night I dreamt that I was in a play, something I dream quite often, but not something I have ever done.  I believe that dreams are significant and have some meaning according to Dream Moods "To dream that you are in a play represents the roles you play in your life and the various acts and personas you put on." I had the feeling it was a pantomime of which Dream Moods says "To dream that you are a pantomime indicates that your voice is not being heard. Or your actions are being misunderstood and misconstrued."  Sounds about right to me.

Another dream I have a lot is about going into a room and the light not working which is said to mean "To dream that you cannot turn on the light indicates a lack of insight and perspective on a situation." Another is flooded toilets apparently "To see an overflowing or flooded toilet in your dream denotes your desires to fully express your emotions."  Oh dear makes me sound crazy, but I do think its interesting.  When my Dad was ill and was hallucinating I wondered if they were like dreams too, he used to see a cat a lot, interestingly he was in hospital and a nursing home and apparently seeing  cat symbolises an independent spirit, his independence was curtailed and he felt very strongly about it.  It can also represent misfortune and bad luck.  He didn't mind the cat as he likes cats and got some comfort from it even though it was not real.  Many of the other hallucinations were very scary.  The first time my Dad was in hospital he thought he was on a ship, he was like that for weeks and we couldn't convince him otherwise "To see a ship in your dream denotes that you are exploring aspects of your emotions and subconscious. The state and condition of the ship is indicative of your emotional state. If you on on a ship and experience stormy weather, then it implies that you are going through some dramatic events in your waking life. If you dream of a cruise ship, then it suggests pleasant moods. If you dream of a warship, then it means that you are experiencing feelings of aggression. If you dream of a pirate ship, then it signifies your suppressed desires for freedom and adventure."  Its all quite interesting if you have the time to think about it, but at the time it was weird and made no sense to any of us.

Well that's the end of my rambles for today definitely need a lie down now.

But before I go a few pictures to share that have resonated with me this week or given me a laugh 

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